Yep. I have secrets.
I am not bipolar but I did the same thing with my therapist.
Tell them! They don’t judge you, their job is to help and they can do a better job when you are honest with them.
You… pay them to help you. You apparently trust them enough to continue care… They are legally prohibited from discussing the details of sessions to anyone, even law enforcement. Why would you lie to them and keep them from helping you to the best of their ability!?
Scary
It’s human nature to have a subconscious reservation of trust of things you hold private, especially when you faced ridicule, maltreatment, or punishment (or anything else potentially traumatic) for it. This mistrust can be a huge hurtle to get over…
As someone who was stuck on different antidepressants most of their childhood because the shrinks thought it was the right/only move for my differences. Never having any sizable improvement and any new doctors would just prescribe a different set of antidepressants without taking a step back to see it was just hindering me. I eventually lost faith in them and stopped with the meds.
Once they were out of my system, my emotions, a part of me that was muffled by them, started coming back, and my mood became more stable as it wasn’t subdued like a caged animal anymore.
It was only until one doctor actually listened for once and decided to try a different approach; rather than using something that that slowed NT re-uptake, give something that sped up it’s production. After doing this, a lot of difficulties became much easier to overcome.
Going through a scenario like this can make one tend to “prepare for the worst,” with a innate fear of saying or doing the wrong thing and backtracking on progress, at least until enough trust is built up.