Men are also different from women. Not just physically but mentally. Part of the problem the writer had was not understanding how male friendships work and expecting a mirror of female friendships. Certainly it can be lonelier as a man but in some ways it’s just the way we are.
The problem is not about you. It’s about your ability to accept another man who wants a “female” friendship. And apparently you don’t want any of that, which makes you part of the problem.
I’m talking about a woman who wanted to physically be a man but is still mentally programmed as a woman could not understand male friendships. It’s not that men don’t have friends or deep friendships. It’s just that they’re usually different from the opposite gender.
I’m just saying that men in general have a much easier time being alone. I don’t think we should always be alone, but more men than women have the ability to be solitary and happy at the same time.
I think the important thing here is that there’s absolutely no reason it HAS to be this way. These aren’t intrinsic properties of male and female friendships. They are driven primarily by cultural factors and have changed significantly even over recent history.
I’m just saying the cultures arise from the people. There’s a reason things are the way they are and it’s not some evil corporation or government trying to oppress us. At least in the west. Can’t quite say that about China or other Communist regimes.
Things are the way they are because people are forced into the culture they were born into and are pressured at every angle to stay that way or face social backlash.
I got called gay cause I got too excited while talking to one of my friends. Because it’s a common culture trait in America that any overly positive emotion towards another guy means your a sissy boy
They called you gay not because they thought you were homosexual but as an offhanded insult. The two definitions have been disconnected for quite a while.
You’re so absolutely right. For context, I’m cis male. In my youth, one of my closest friends took their own life and it was so completely out of the blue, at least that’s what it felt like to those of us who felt we were his closest friends.
What unravelled in the months that followed was discovering how tortured they were and how they never opened up about it to us who were supposedly closest to them.
Those of us that remained made a pact to be open, empathetic, and loving to one another - manliness be damned (and in truth it was easy to be emotional as we were all so hurt and in need of support as we navigated the void of losing the most handsome, charming, popular, and “cool” of us).
Since then, we’ve shared this approach to “male” friendship, even taking the time to tell each other we love each other. We hug when we get together. We have a group chat (originally jokingly called “Agony Aunts”) where we keep a tap on how we’re all doing. We all turn up en masse when there’s a breakup, cancer scare, miscarriage, parental death, you name it.
And from the outside, we’re “men”. Motorsport engineers, industrial engineers, sports-watchers, beard growers. Our openness to love each other has no bearing on our overall outward identities.
But inside, we’re all happier and more stable people.
It pains me this kind of friendship is odd even to cis female. Our girlfriends and wives find it funny how we’ll randomly send each other “I love you because” texts out of the blue and joke that we all must bang each other on our “lads” trips away together.
But we don’t care.
I had to lose one of my brothers in arms to realize how important emotional male relationships are however I cannot see a more beatific way to honour the friend I lost.
If you’re a man reading this, I beg you to cast aside preconceptions of what manliness is. Manliness can be a long hug after a painful breakup. Manliness can be saying I love you to another man. The strength and invincibility you will feel when you know that you are NOT alone and your brothers truly know you and have your back trumps everything.
Easily possible. Grow up somewhere with a lot of macho man mentality with a toxic masculine father figure that wants nothing more than for you to grow up to be their clone that only like MAN stuff. Took me over 30 years to be hugged the way I didn’t know i needed to be hugged because I fell into a friendship with a woman that knew a few broken men.
Men are also different from women. Not just physically but mentally. Part of the problem the writer had was not understanding how male friendships work and expecting a mirror of female friendships. Certainly it can be lonelier as a man but in some ways it’s just the way we are.
You ain’t never had a friend.
The problem is not about you. It’s about your ability to accept another man who wants a “female” friendship. And apparently you don’t want any of that, which makes you part of the problem.
I’m talking about a woman who wanted to physically be a man but is still mentally programmed as a woman could not understand male friendships. It’s not that men don’t have friends or deep friendships. It’s just that they’re usually different from the opposite gender.
Is it? What makes you think that our loneliness is inherent to us? How is it inherent to us?
I’m just saying that men in general have a much easier time being alone. I don’t think we should always be alone, but more men than women have the ability to be solitary and happy at the same time.
What if being solitary and happy has zero foundation in being a “man” but comes about from being rejected by society as the man one is?
You do realize half of society is men right?
And the other 50% is women, some of whom are solitary and happy because we don’t fit society’s idea of what a woman should be.
Sit down.
I think the important thing here is that there’s absolutely no reason it HAS to be this way. These aren’t intrinsic properties of male and female friendships. They are driven primarily by cultural factors and have changed significantly even over recent history.
Where the hell do you think cultural factors come from?
Where do you? Do you think that all societies in the world have the same culture as you?
I’m just saying the cultures arise from the people. There’s a reason things are the way they are and it’s not some evil corporation or government trying to oppress us. At least in the west. Can’t quite say that about China or other Communist regimes.
Things are the way they are because people are forced into the culture they were born into and are pressured at every angle to stay that way or face social backlash.
I got called gay cause I got too excited while talking to one of my friends. Because it’s a common culture trait in America that any overly positive emotion towards another guy means your a sissy boy
They called you gay not because they thought you were homosexual but as an offhanded insult. The two definitions have been disconnected for quite a while.
I mean, no, the definitions are not disconnected at all. Gay was used as an insult because it meant homosexual.
Was.
You’re so absolutely right. For context, I’m cis male. In my youth, one of my closest friends took their own life and it was so completely out of the blue, at least that’s what it felt like to those of us who felt we were his closest friends.
What unravelled in the months that followed was discovering how tortured they were and how they never opened up about it to us who were supposedly closest to them.
Those of us that remained made a pact to be open, empathetic, and loving to one another - manliness be damned (and in truth it was easy to be emotional as we were all so hurt and in need of support as we navigated the void of losing the most handsome, charming, popular, and “cool” of us).
Since then, we’ve shared this approach to “male” friendship, even taking the time to tell each other we love each other. We hug when we get together. We have a group chat (originally jokingly called “Agony Aunts”) where we keep a tap on how we’re all doing. We all turn up en masse when there’s a breakup, cancer scare, miscarriage, parental death, you name it.
And from the outside, we’re “men”. Motorsport engineers, industrial engineers, sports-watchers, beard growers. Our openness to love each other has no bearing on our overall outward identities.
But inside, we’re all happier and more stable people.
It pains me this kind of friendship is odd even to cis female. Our girlfriends and wives find it funny how we’ll randomly send each other “I love you because” texts out of the blue and joke that we all must bang each other on our “lads” trips away together.
But we don’t care.
I had to lose one of my brothers in arms to realize how important emotional male relationships are however I cannot see a more beatific way to honour the friend I lost.
If you’re a man reading this, I beg you to cast aside preconceptions of what manliness is. Manliness can be a long hug after a painful breakup. Manliness can be saying I love you to another man. The strength and invincibility you will feel when you know that you are NOT alone and your brothers truly know you and have your back trumps everything.
Men and women are mentally different and it has nothing tobdo with culture.
Bro, I would do anything for long, deep hugs. I am unlucky enough to never have been hugged by anyone.
How is that even possible.
Easily possible. Grow up somewhere with a lot of macho man mentality with a toxic masculine father figure that wants nothing more than for you to grow up to be their clone that only like MAN stuff. Took me over 30 years to be hugged the way I didn’t know i needed to be hugged because I fell into a friendship with a woman that knew a few broken men.
I don’t have any answer. Perhaps, fault lies with me, perhaps, I am just unlucky.
Uh. What state do you live in?
Me? Mostly in the state of depression. /s
I couldn’t resist. I live in India.