fucked up question, I know - but ultimately it’s a question about suffering and experience of personhood - did “you” really experience the torture for an hour if you don’t remember it later?
What about the hour where you were awake and present, before the memory is wiped? How much does that suffering matter? Does the fact that after the torture you won’t remember override the suffering you will experience in the present during the torture, relative to suffering you will remember the rest of your life?
oh, sorry for the confusion but I meant the pain is a 1 - 2 at most after the session is over.
In the moment being zapped is at worst between a 6 and 8 (I’m only getting electrolysis on my genitals, that is probably relevant here).
With lidocaine I would say around half of the electrolysis zaps are like a 1 - 4, completely easy and bearable. Maybe 30 - 40% are 5 - 6, and maybe 10% or less are 6 - 8 (which for me gets into unbearable territory, esp. when there are a bunch of them one after the other; there is usually adrenaline kicking in, even with xanax, and I have to do a lot to calm myself and stay still).
Some of the pain is so bad my body jerks involuntarily and yeah, it’s like being burned with a hot needle. I would compare the worst laser on my face to having a hot clothing iron pressed on your face repeatedly, it’s a pain I don’t think anyone should be enduring - I actually think there should be regulations against this and more done to ensure this level of pain is not experienced (the way it’s standard to numb patients for dental surgeries for example).
Interesting about the pain in the box, that really makes sense to me, esp. the metaphors about it breaking loose on bad days. I’m so glad you have good family and friends, and I also wanted to say it’s extremely sweet of you to get a test patch done as moral support. You’re a really good person, wow 🥰