I can leave the house to go to work and shop by myself, necessary things like doctors appointments.
I cannot go to an event with friends, hang out with friends, do things that are not mandatory or at least extremely “safe” (libraries and thrift stores.) I am experiencing regression with eye contact.
There’s no “thought” I can try to replace or change. I just can’t. I tried to make plans to go thrifting with friends weeks ago - I couldn’t leave.
Part of this I think is a rational fear related to being terrified that I’ll be pulled over and forced to change my license to say “female” - which would make me even more unsafe.
I feel locked in. The internet is the only place I really get to feel like something of a human being.
I’ve struggled with this same thing for a long time and was diagnosed agoraphobic over 20 years ago. The best thing I’ve found that helps is Virtual Reality. It helps me practice being brave in social situations in a safe space, which then allow the skills to translate to real life. Maybe try it? Even if you can’t afford a headset, you can still try it out by playing VR Chat on your computer or Horizon Worlds on your phone.