So you’ve read the title, let’s get some bullet point info out of the way:
- I’m pan and mostly cis, my partner knows this.
- My partner is a bi cis woman.
- We’re monogamous but have talked a little here and there about whether we’d want to open it up one day.
- She knows I’m switchy and like butt stuff.
- She does not know I crossdress and am into chastity + light exhibitionism.
- I don’t flirt with people on here, I just post pics of myself.
- I have an anxiety disorder and one of the ways it manifests is an aversion to intimate conversations (she knows this).
- This is not the first account I’ve had/first time I’ve posted pics online/etc.
I know this may not be the best place for moral discussions but it feels like my best bet. I’ve been worried about this in the past, but we’re taking steps to broaden our sexual horizons together and I think there’s a chance we may eventually get to this topic. So if we got to the point of “I want to post pictures from a session online” and I mentioned having this account and she saw it existed for a year or so, well… I can see that being a difficult thing to react to.
At the same time, though, this has really helped me gain confidence and feel like I can actually open this side of myself up to her, which I want to do! I’m just scared of rejection and our relationship is more important than any kinky stuff.
I think an important note is that I don’t consider anything I’ve done “cheating” or anywhere in that territory. I’m not out here sexting or sending private pics, I leave compliments for others and thank people for their compliments on me. But I could also completely understand someone being unhappy their partner was doing it without their knowledge.
I know one of the answers to this is, of course, “talk to her” but this is way too much to throw out all at once. Deleting it all and not telling her would be an option, but I do think it would continue to weigh on my conscience.
So my questions would be:
- Have I screwed myself (no pun intended) and the relationship by not telling her?
- If your partner did something similar (with my same hard boundaries about flirting), how would you feel?
- Any tips on how to bring this up?
Definitely appreciate the nuanced and very comparable input! I think your third point is really about where I’m going for the moment, at least. I told her about my interest in chastity and she was immediately into it, so that’s a good start!
Not the first time I’ve seen some good words from you on here, too. Thank you for existing!
Glad to hear you’ve had a positive experience so far! I always expect to see the blanket “talk to your partner” advice in these types of threads, which is sound advice, but in practice life isn’t quite as straight-forward and simple. You sound like you have an open and strong relationship already though so I sincerely wish you the best.
Seems like we’re in similar situations and points in our lives so if you ever just want to chat or bounce ideas off a stranger you’re welcome to send me a message.