I teach a low level math class at a state college as part of my graduate assistant duties while I’m doing my Master’s. The way this class was pitched to me when I joined was “many of the students who get placed in this class have been deeply traumatized by the education system and we want to introduce them to real mathematics, broken free from the failures of their previous teachers.” I was ecstatic. This has always been the kind of thing I wanted to be involved with once I started teaching, and here I was getting to start with it right out of a Bachelor’s. Absolutely wonderful.

But I slowly start to find out that the mission statement and the actual implementation of the course are so far from each other. We’ll talk about how all the students care about is grades, and how we need to deemphasize the importance of it and focus on the learning, and then we’ll turn right around and use grades as a form of coercion, because “these students won’t do anything unless there’s a grade attached.” Well yeah of course, because we’re the ones making a bigger deal out of the grade than the actual learning, and the students are just following suit. We’re the ones sending that message.

We talk so much about how we want them to think for themselves and not parrot their lecture notes on quizzes, but then we give quizzes that rely on rote memorization and regurgitation.

For every core value we assert in words, we turn around and tell our students the exact opposite in action. We tell them at the beginning of the course that things are going to run differently than any other course they’ve probably taken, and then we just borrow the form of every standard, tired, and broken attempt at math education, make it 3 times as complicated, and then try to pass it off as revolutionary.

I have tried so many times to bring this up, and I get nice platitudes like “oh that’s a really good point” or “thanks for bringing your ideas to the table” or “I hadn’t thought of that. Let’s discuss it with the group later” but nothing is actually materially changing. My boss actually told me one day that I cared too much about my students. How can you possibly tell me that and not feel bad? Like are you actually joking me?

The particular reason why I’m venting this today of all days is that I was sick on our Friday meeting, and was filled in on the contents after the fact. Turns out I was not filled in on one particular thing that was apparently a very heated argument, and found out about it mid lecture this morning from a student the decision affected. And I’m flabbergasted by it.

I spoke to my office mate, and he informed me that there was a misunderstanding in the wording of the quiz, and that we had mistakenly asked a different question than we meant to. And apparently the decision was made to um. Use this quiz as a learning opportunity to drill in what we actually expect for the final? And thus we should give no credit if they answer the question we asked instead of the one we meant to? Um? Hello? In what universe does marking off points for a correct answer on a quiz for inability to mind read correlate to increased motivation?

(To be fair, the situation wasn’t entirely this cut and dry. An argument was made that one word of the problem should have been a hint at what we wanted. I, however, don’t understand this on two fronts: our directions to students on a graded assignment shouldn’t be hidden behind a hint. And additionally, the particular word in question, I don’t think added any additional information anyway. Given the correct answer and the ones the students gave, the hint word applies equally to both, and I honestly don’t see how anyone could say otherwise. (The word was “explain” and both answers were an explanation. Just the more correct one was more verbose). So you know what, I take it back. This is pretty cut and dry bull crap. Pointing to the word explain seems less like a reasonable assertion that the point of the question was clear, and more as a retroactive justification for offloading the effort that would be required to genuinely rectify the situation and prepare the students for the final, onto the students grades instead of our own responsibilities.)

I mean, these students are my people. I have always wanted to reach students broken by the education system and show them the joy of learning again, and it pains me that this class uses the language of my passion and misses the mark so incredibly. And I’m essentially powerless against it because all I’m doing is running someone else’s class for them, to their specifications.