I feel like everyone eventually gets annoyed with me, and I just always end up alone. I loose all my friends, and Ive never really had a healthy loving partnership. I just feel hopeless
I have a disordered personality too, Avoidant.
Like all things in life, it’s a numbers game. You do your best to improve yourself, and you put yourself out there as much as possible. Some people only need a single roll of a d4. Others need a couple dozen rolls of a d20. Can’t control the dice you’re given, you can only control how many times you roll.
How do you feel about yourself? Do you like to be around you in an abstract sense?
For me it’s more of a personality disorder* than a type, but still the answer is yes.
Though also kind of reinforced by my environment, lacking money/transportation/activities and even when I started riding on the trail (mostly to get in shape, some shopping, never really talked w/anyone) the section near me was closed in both directions for maintenance and still closed 6 months+ later.
*=SzPD (Schizoid)
Yes. But I model it as a problem I have, not something inherent to who I am.
It really behaves like it’s inherent to me, but I can’t stop trying to get over it.
I know I cannot provide advice in this sitaution because I get what you are saying as I too have been dealing with the thoughts.
It can be difficult, I have had a LOT of instances of bad things happen because of my misaligned views ( been told I need a priest to exorcise the “demons” kind of bad) and I am still have to deal with my sitaution and the invasive thoughts that come with it. It takes a lot trying to deal with it, but somehow in my life I have at least found a few people that have accepted me.
Like I don’t need to maintain constant contact but for me it is being “accepted” is a lot ( a low bar I know) and in some cases just recently have been in contact with someone I haven’t heard in years, but I can still feel comfortable communicating with them after all that time.
I mean I really do not like my life where I am at and there is a lot of things that I wanted to do and want to do but cannot because there are reasons beyond my control. At least for me, it feels like I am hanging by the sinews of the good will of others.
So yeah, just a long winded reply going on about sharing in the pain. I don’t know what the answer is but I have tried to push myself lately to dig myself out of things otherwise I would be drowning in the tunnel that I am stuck in.
I been doing writing stuff and trying to be more involved in social media a bit more has been my “digging” out attempt
