Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian

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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:

Thinking about how I’ve been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.

That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.

Habits are things that they do without thinking.

They don’t have to decide to do them. They don’t have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they’ve done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.

That system…which I lack.

Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it’s been an active choice. I’ve had to devote thought and attention to it. It’s not a routine, it’s not a habit, it’s something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.

Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say “bless you” when someone sneezes,

It’s because I’ve had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.

It never gets easier.

Just more familiar.

It’s part of my struggle with my weight–exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.

I got lied to about how it would just “turn into a habit”. And blamed, when it didn’t.

Drinking water isn’t a habit. Feeding myself isn’t a habit. Bathing isn’t a habit.

I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.

And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?

ON TIME?

  • Reyali@lemm.ee
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    1 year ago

    Thanks for speaking to the other side, because that’s so hard to believe. I don’t know about everyone with ADHD, but it definitely seems to be a common shared experience. The only habits I do completely without thinking are a) putting my seatbelt on in the car, and b) picking my phone up like 100 times a day. Anything bigger, even something like eating, is something I have to will myself to do.

    And when I’m trying to form a “habit,” like certain types of note taking or task planning at work, no matter how effective it is and how much I like it, I never manage to do it more than about 3 weeks before my brain just completely shuts off that pathway and it’s like I forget that process exists altogether.

    If I don’t put my meds on my nightstand AND have a reminder on my phone, I will forget them most of the time. Daily activity, takes almost no brain power, and it still doesn’t trigger in my head as something I need to do unless I physically see it.

    • blueskiesoc@lemmy.worldOP
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      1 year ago

      I never manage to do it more than about 3 weeks before my brain just completely shuts off that pathway and it’s like I forget that process exists altogether.

      This is me. How can you just “forget” something you’ve developed into a routine and done daily for a month? I do though. Shit.

    • ExecutiveStapler@kbin.social
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      1 year ago

      Oh shit the seatbelts are a great example, I’d maybe add that typing on a keyboard is another thing that feels habitual. Everywhere else the 3 month rule applies pretty well in terms of maybe picking them up and randomly immediately dropping.

      Can a neurotypical chime in and say whether seatbelts and typing are habits to them like brushing teeth?

      • Aviandelight @mander.xyz
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        1 year ago

        Neurotypical here. I don’t call it habits, I prefer autopilot. My autopilot is so strong that I’ve made dinner/cleaned house while on the phone without even realizing I did it. Like seriously get off the phone and look around and wondered when did I do that? I also have driven to work instead of shopping because I am so used to only leaving the house for work. You can set a clock by my daily routine down to the minute.

        • trafficnab@kbin.social
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          1 year ago

          Sometimes I finish showering, and I was so heavily on autopilot while thinking about other things that I have no memory of if I actually washed my body or not, I just trust that I did

          • Riskable@programming.dev
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            1 year ago

            I have ADHD and sometimes when I get out of the shower I’m like, “wait: did I wash my hair?” Then I reach up to feel it and sure enough, it feels greasy; I forgot.

            I can physically feel when my body isn’t clean so that’s easy (water rolls off me like a duck, LOL!). Hair is different 🤷

    • FringeTheory999@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      ugh, I constantly forget to eat. People would ask “how the hell can you FORGET to eat, for two days” and I’d be like. “three days… I think”.

      • TryingToActHuman@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        This happens to me all the time. People will ask about the last time I ate, and I’ll tell them “Uhh… I think I had a granola bar for breakfast… two days ago.” Today I ate two full(ish) meals. The last time I remember eating that much is almost three weeks ago. It’s gotten to the point where people think I’m intentionally starving myself, but I just genuinely don’t get hungry. I have no urge to eat, so I constantly forget.

        • FringeTheory999@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          My girlfriend takes me out to dinner twice a week. Most of my calories come from those two weekly nights out. Add in my time blindness and I’ll think that I ate breakfast in the morning, but then realize that it was the previous morning and that I just never noticed the passage of time.

      • Reyali@lemm.ee
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        1 year ago

        LOL, relatable. I also had to literally train myself over years to feel hungry, and all that training goes away when I’m really stressed. Living with a partner is the best thing for my eating habits. He needs to eat, so I eat… at least once a day.

        • FringeTheory999@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          Dude. Three days isn’t even my record, and I don’t feel hungry during that time, like at all. Or if I do it’s this vaguely distant feeling that isn’t nearly as important as whatever I’m hyper focusing on at the moment.

        • worldspawn00@kbin.social
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          1 year ago

          The range of ADHD is wild, I’m just always hungry, I have to consciously stop myself from randomly eating any food in my proximity. If there’s a box of crackers, or leftovers in the fridge, I’ll eat them, even if I ate an hour ago, if I don’t make a conscious effort to remind myself that I ate a meal already. Adderall has helped with me being aware of when I’m not actually hungry, but when the drugs wear off in the evening, I have to be careful about cruising the kitchen/pantry.

          • Starbuck@lemmy.world
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            1 year ago

            A few days late, but I just stumbled across the community. I know that when I was on meds I wouldn’t eat for days. Without meds, I’m just Homer Simpson saying “ooh a piece of candy” all day

          • Reyali@lemm.ee
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            1 year ago

            Sorry for the long message ahead :)

            This is a TL;DR list I wrote to help when my cousin was struggling to eat and having stomach aches whenever he did eat:

            1. By medical definition, “anorexia” just means low/no appetite. Anorexia nervosa is the intentional eating disorder.
            2. Anorexia can cause stomach pains, especially following a meal. Fix this by eating frequent small meals or snacks.
            3. Cut your diet down to bland food and introduce different things in slowly or document your food intake to figure out if there are any allergies/intolerances causing you to not feel well.
            4. Make food a routine using external motivation to eat, such as alarms, calendar invites, or planning meals with coworkers/friends.
            5. Suggested rule of threes: 3 meals, 3 snacks, at least 3 hours apart. Set a timer!
            6. Find easy meals you can always eat. Whether it’s takeout or just something super easy to make, have a staple you can always fall back on when you don’t want to think about food. A rice cooker with a steamer basket was a game changer for me, and lately it’s been Trader Joe’s frozen foods.

            Learning #1 was what made me realize my relationship with food was unhealthy and needed to change. #2-3 might not apply to your situation but I’m leaving them in case anyone else needs it.

            #4 and 6 really are the answer to your question. When I got my first job out of college, I ate lunch daily with coworkers even if I had no desire to eat, which greatly helped the last thing I’ll share: I redefined what I thought of as hunger.

            I realized even when I didn’t consciously feel the need to eat, my body had symptoms. I paid attention to things like lightheadedness, a tightness in my stomach, and shakiness, and started considering those to be “feeling hungry.” After forcing myself to eat more consistently and listening to my body, I actually started to feel hungry on a regular (daily-ish) basis.

            Oh, and for a year or two I lifted weights 3x/week and that made me hungrier than I’d ever been in my life. The first three months I always felt hungry. But that’s a bigger commitment than the other suggestions :)

            I hope this might help you!

      • blueskiesoc@lemmy.worldOP
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        1 year ago

        My mom. Super skinny her whole life. People thought she took care of herself, but I knew that she forgot to eat for days.

        I used to think that would be nice. I have the other end of it where I am constantly nibbling for dopamine hits.

        • FringeTheory999@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          Yeah. I’m super skinny. I have trouble keeping weight on. I’m 6’1, male, and like 144 lbs. It’s not good for ya.