I’ve posted here a lot about my mental health, I lost basically everything, I have no one I can talk to, my car is wrecked, I have less than 100 bucks in my bank account, while I have housing their are problems that make it not the best. I have 1k in debt.
In terms of my housing, I lived with some members a activist group for a bit, but they got too extreme the the point where they think me wanting to pay of my debt, save up for a car is individualist and me wanting to go college is carrierist.
Another thing is I’m an unattractive trans fem, que transphobia, I know y’all are gonna laugh like hell when I blow my brains out, some of y’all might be like THIS IS THE Consequences OF GENDER IDEOLOGY.
I just really don’t see a way forward at all, I felt like there isn’t much for me in this world anymore. Everytime I call a suicide hotline I get the dumbest most braindead advice like do an activity I enjoy as if that changes any of the material conditions of my life.
My plan is to have a dead switch, so when I do die 911 is called to help avoid any unnecessary trauma. It’s crazy to think 22 years ends like this.
You might not have anyone close to you to talk to right now, but you did choose to post here and because of that you’re not alone. I’ll talk to ya for as long as you need to if you want. I don’t have any experience with the trans part, but I’ve been homeless with absolutely nothing before - by all rights I shouldn’t even be here, but I am.
Many of us have been in some variation of your situation and most of us make it back to some semblance of a normal life. It’s hard to not give in to despair but it doesn’t have to be impossible. I’m not going to say you’re too young to give in to that despair because I know that shit doesn’t help, but things do change when one gets older. The perspective can be refreshing.
I’ll add to this because I haven’t seen it mentioned… the fact that you posted here at all is telling. I’m no expert in this subject but isn’t reaching out for help a pretty strong indicator that you don’t want to do it, you’re looking for reasons to go on? Like, nobody really wants to, but sometimes the pain of life is just too much and people feel like they can’t take it anymore. So it’s not that you want to die, is that you don’t want to feel such pain. I’m sorry you’re feeling that way, stranger.
22 is rough. I’m 36 and me and all my friends agree that early to mid 20s were by far the most turbulent time of our lives, emotionally. I hope you’re able to make it to the better years ahead.