I’ve posted here a lot about my mental health, I lost basically everything, I have no one I can talk to, my car is wrecked, I have less than 100 bucks in my bank account, while I have housing their are problems that make it not the best. I have 1k in debt.
In terms of my housing, I lived with some members a activist group for a bit, but they got too extreme the the point where they think me wanting to pay of my debt, save up for a car is individualist and me wanting to go college is carrierist.
Another thing is I’m an unattractive trans fem, que transphobia, I know y’all are gonna laugh like hell when I blow my brains out, some of y’all might be like THIS IS THE Consequences OF GENDER IDEOLOGY.
I just really don’t see a way forward at all, I felt like there isn’t much for me in this world anymore. Everytime I call a suicide hotline I get the dumbest most braindead advice like do an activity I enjoy as if that changes any of the material conditions of my life.
My plan is to have a dead switch, so when I do die 911 is called to help avoid any unnecessary trauma. It’s crazy to think 22 years ends like this.
I have nothing, no one will make me feel warm and safe and help me. That’s the truth. I’m alone.
You have to be that person for yourself. I find that when I am spiraling I have to put myself on a regimen. Eat at least twice even if it’s just crackers. Take a walk around the block. Watch some clouds or some tree branches or some water. My only job is to exist, for now. Nothing anyone thinks about me is important. Other things can wait. I’m not the only one in this situation. My depression is a valid reaction to the world but it is not permanent.