The picture that made you click on this post was captured 2 weeks ago. 165lbs 5’8. I’m no longer obese, I haven’t been for months now, but I’m still stared up and down from other strangers who are trying ascertain whether I pose a threat or not.
I’m walking forward and not acknowledging you and yet you’re fiddling around with ur pockets or moving away from me. I could share more but people have a tendency to question what really happened in x experience, derailing the discussion entirely. I’m stuck in Vancouver for the foreseeable future and I’d appreciate it if you just answered the question.
I’m not interested in empty platitudes or comments unrelated to the topic at hand. “What can I change about my face to make the average vancouverite less scared of me”. That’s it. I’m not expecting anyone here to be an expert on anthropology but this is an (mostly, IDK ur OSINT but me personally idc anymore) anonymous forum. Say that I look tired and I’ll look for surgeons who can handle complex eyelid surgeries. Id appreciate candidness. Random assortment of photos I found within the last year. I can’t be half assed to remove identifying information anymore.
Let me just say, dude, that you are not alone. There are a lot of people who feel this struggle and there is no simple answer to this problem. Because it is societal. You probably already know this but I want to start off with that.
I can see every little thing you think is threatening to others and it’s all there. You’re black. You’re a man. You’re a black man. You have strong features. You wear clothes. And you exist.
That shouldn’t be your problem, but more than a century of propaganda has made it so. Me and everyone else has been conditioned to fear you.
With all that said, I can echo some other comments. Take the advice on fashionable clothing. Aside from the other positives, it feels good to look good. You’ve saved up for surgery, spend it on that instead. Find a fashionable friend and get advice. There are multiple ways to achieve it without feeling untrue to yourself.
Learn to smile as your opener. To others and to yourself.
Most importantly, spend that money you saved on therapy. It isn’t there to fix you. It’s there to help give you the tools to cope with the reality of things. It isn’t bullshit. No amount of aesthetic adjustments will fix what’s going on in your head and your heart.
Candidly, you seem like you’re not in a good fucking way. Get help. Peace.