hello :) i‘ve been thinking about detransitioning lately, but i can’t quite figure out how to go about this. I feel like „it’s too late now.“ I can’t really explain why, but i feel a very strong feeling telling me that it would be much harder than the first transition. Do you have any advice on how to detransition? I haven’t done any surgery. I only changed my clothes a little bit and changed my hair.
Well, I’m going to assume the best with this post, because there is an answer. But be aware that I’m not trans, just an ally.
You state only having changed clothes and hair.
You didn’t mention hormones, so you shouldn’t need medical help in the process. If you’ve started that process, nobody online can really say anything other than to talk to your care providers. There’s just too many variables.
It no hormones is the case, then the only hard part is social. By the time a person begins presenting as their gender during the early stages of transition, there’s pretty much always some level of “coming out”. One day you’re presenting as your assigned gender, the next your real gender, and unless you never leave home, and live alone, that means any social interaction means some degree of other people being aware of the change.
Going back to presenting as your assigned gender can be confusing to others, and may require some degree of explanation if you want them to understand your choices of when and how to transition, or to take a step back in the process.
You aren’t obligated to help others understand and treat you with respect, but it is often easier than not explaining anything and just making the move in isolation. Realistically, people in general have barely gotten used to the idea of transition at all. Even allies may not understand how complicated the process can be, and might be confused by someone needing/wanting to slow, stop, or reverse the process (even if it’s temporary).
That’s the real barrier here, not the process itself. You can easily change your presentation to whatever you’re comfortable with. Hair and clothes, assuming you didn’t get rid of your old stuff, no big deal on a practical level, though it may be harder internally.
Remember, transition is individual. You go at the pace you need, taking the steps that are best for you. Transition can be a very difficult process, no matter how welcome it is. There are stresses involved, things to adapt to physically and socially, so never worry about conforming to someone else’s schedule. You gotta do you.
I’ve known a few people over the years that start the social transition, using external presentation as their “toe in the water”, and then find that it’s a little too much too fast, and have to shift to their previous presentation, or do so partially. This isn’t a bad thing, you can always start back later, if that’s what’s needed.
I will add, if this is a troll attempt, it’s really not cool. I’m giving the benefit of the doubt because I’d want anyone I care about to be given that, even when the post is kinda iffy in phrasing. And it is kinda iffy, just so you’re aware.
hard to provide any advice with the limited info you’ve given. are you detransitioning just based on that feeling? are there other factors? who have you come out to? how long have you been out to them? how accepting is your culture? how accepting are your family / friends?
but also, given you haven’t done much in your transition, and assuming you haven’t been out that long, you should be able to just pretty much go “actually i changed my mind / was experimenting” and that’s that