Here’s the deal: even if she’s missing time in “normal” education, time that would normally be spent in class, it’s not the end of the world. People have flunked out of school to have fun and got their bearing later. She, however, has a good reason not to go right now.

I can tell you that me pushing myself through all the normal milestones has not helped me - you don’t want to see my cv or hear about my experiences with work. It’s just sad. And still, finally, last year, I found my niche.

Allow her to be on her own timeline. Don’t worry about her missing out. Allow her to figure out what fhe needs to be comfortable in life. Once I was able to set boundaries and prioritize being comfortable without constant fighting I was able and willing to compromise sometimes if I consider it important. But the base is unconditional acceptance of my needs. Without that I was in constant self-defense and senf-preservation mode.

At some point I sat crying in my therapists office. The agency for benefits was pushing for results, and I was so frigging overwhelmed. I told my therapist “I wish I could just do nothing for the rest of the year.” He looked me dead in the eye and said: “That can be arranged.” I didn’t think much of it but suddenly there were no appointments. They dragged their feet on paperwork and I could only tell the agency that I can’t get the paperworks, I’m waiting too. They eventually gave up, and I had almost four months where there was nothing to do. I only realized in hindsight what my therapist had done for me, but that break helped me rest and heal a lot, so that we could actually work on things in the new year.

Give her the gift of time and acceptance. Once she feels safe and heard, she is hopefully in a position to take on the challenge of therapy and getting better.