So I’m not a particuarly sexual person, not asexual, but my views on sex just seem so different to the norm. I don’t find sex jokes and things funny and don’t really like to talk about or have sex, and I hardly ever think about it. (And quite frankly, I’ve never enjoyed it and don’t ever really try to pursue it).
I went to a party yesterday and we played one of those Jackbox games, it was really crude and sexual and I just didn’t “get” it. A question came up “What is your ideal sex location” and I just flat out have never thought of that before. Like, is this sort of thing something that people usually think about? Everyone else in the room seemed to have an instant go-to answer, but I just didn’t know.
A mate of mine made fun of me, implying I was a virgin for not thinking about sex enough apparently. It was just really gross and juvenile and I can’t stop thinking about it. Like, he treated my lack of “getting it” as a moral failing or something, something to be ashamed of.
It’s been on my mind all day, just really upsetting and I don’t really know why. I guess it’s the implication that I’m less of a man or something for not spending all my time trying to get laid. We’re in our late 20s/early 30s, so I was really surprised to hear this kind of immature teenage shit coming out of a close friend, it felt kind of like he was letting me know how he “really feels” with that one line, when he normally holds his tongue.
It just feels so gross, like the idea that I need to go out and have sex in order to be considered more of a person to him. I might be overthinking it, but it just…hurts in a way I can’t really describe easily. Which is why I’m writing this nonsense, to share my thoughts, and hopefully hear some ideas from other people about this sort of thing. Am I being the weird one here? Should I just “toughen up” or something and try and get a partner or go looking for a one night stand or something? I’ve always thought of myself as straight and cis, but my attitudes towards sex just seem so different from the norm. I feel like a failure of a person right now, though hopefully that’s just because I’m really exhausted and low on energy.
I have plenty of sexual desire, but your mate’s attitude about this is ridiculous. Sex and sexuality is something to be enjoyed consensually by people who want it. It’s not something to be pushed on people, period. Don’t get me wrong, sex education is a good thing and sensibly prepares people for the less romantic parts of it. As is people being able to exist as they are, without their sexual orientation being treated as a sexual act. Beyond that, the people who want sex are going to want it, they don’t need encouragement. And the people who don’t, or are less enthused, will not change their minds about it because of pressure to conform.
I see nothing wrong with a game like that if everyone involved enjoys it, but if one person doesn’t, the right thing to do is to play something else and think nothing of it. The last thing anyone should be doing is shaming them about it.
To make a (somewhat silly) comparison, how weird would it be if you were playing a trivia game based around ducks and weren’t doing well cause you aren’t into ducks very much and then they were like “why wouldn’t you be obsessively into ducks??? what a weirdo”. And you’re like “should I be going out and reading up on ducks? is there something wrong with me?”
Peer pressure is weird like that. I have successfully resisted learning very much about sports in spite of having multiple people in my life who are big into them. 🤣 You don’t have to go along with them. Say yes to what you’re okay with and no further, especially in matters of sexuality.
Side note: I wrote at first “Say yes to what you’re comfortable with and no further” but sometimes it’s good to go outside of your comfort zone, so that won’t always apply. The important thing is, if you go outside of your comfort zone, it’s for a good reason, not to placate somebody who is badgering you and being self-centered. Controlling people will use whatever they have available against you, which can include a thing like “don’t you want to be adventurous and try new things?” But in a way that only gets you doing what they want, not what helps you feel empowered and confident.
The game was mostly fine, it was just this one question that stumped me and no one else in the room that made me really stick out and feel really self-conscious. Your silly analogy is really good though, it made me laugh.