So I’m not a particuarly sexual person, not asexual, but my views on sex just seem so different to the norm. I don’t find sex jokes and things funny and don’t really like to talk about or have sex, and I hardly ever think about it. (And quite frankly, I’ve never enjoyed it and don’t ever really try to pursue it).
I went to a party yesterday and we played one of those Jackbox games, it was really crude and sexual and I just didn’t “get” it. A question came up “What is your ideal sex location” and I just flat out have never thought of that before. Like, is this sort of thing something that people usually think about? Everyone else in the room seemed to have an instant go-to answer, but I just didn’t know.
A mate of mine made fun of me, implying I was a virgin for not thinking about sex enough apparently. It was just really gross and juvenile and I can’t stop thinking about it. Like, he treated my lack of “getting it” as a moral failing or something, something to be ashamed of.
It’s been on my mind all day, just really upsetting and I don’t really know why. I guess it’s the implication that I’m less of a man or something for not spending all my time trying to get laid. We’re in our late 20s/early 30s, so I was really surprised to hear this kind of immature teenage shit coming out of a close friend, it felt kind of like he was letting me know how he “really feels” with that one line, when he normally holds his tongue.
It just feels so gross, like the idea that I need to go out and have sex in order to be considered more of a person to him. I might be overthinking it, but it just…hurts in a way I can’t really describe easily. Which is why I’m writing this nonsense, to share my thoughts, and hopefully hear some ideas from other people about this sort of thing. Am I being the weird one here? Should I just “toughen up” or something and try and get a partner or go looking for a one night stand or something? I’ve always thought of myself as straight and cis, but my attitudes towards sex just seem so different from the norm. I feel like a failure of a person right now, though hopefully that’s just because I’m really exhausted and low on energy.
It’s totally normal to have little or no interest in sex! Many people feel this way, and it doesn’t make you any less valid or interesting. Personally, I find sex jokes funny because of how absurd the concept of sex seems to me. It’s important to embrace your unique perspective. I also often turn down sex because it feels like a chore.
Not having sex is nothing to be ashamed of. I’m in my late 20s and have only had one partner. Sometimes we go months, even years, without seeing each other, and that’s completely okay. Relationships, sexual or otherwise, look different for everyone. Don’t let societal expectations dictate how you should feel or act.
When people imply that you’re “less of a man” (or less of anything) for not focusing on sex, it says more about their insecurities and narrow worldview than about you. I’ve had this same conversation with my partner before: “I guess it’s the implication that I’m less of a man or something for not spending all my time trying to get laid” The reality is, everyone’s sex drive and perspective on sex are different. There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to this stuff.
Never let anyone pressure you into doing something that doesn’t feel right. Your body and your boundaries are yours alone. Live your life in a way that feels authentic and fulfilling to you. Whether you’re chaste, sexually active, or somewhere in between, your choices are valid, and you’re enough just as you are.
Yes! This is exactly how it feels for me. More like an obligation than something I ever look forward too. I’ve had some trouble in the past because people sometimes act like a guy like me should be “grateful” that sex is even an option and that I’m an idiot for turning it down.