About 5 years ago, I had this dream… I was sat at the bottom of a spiral staircase, in what I knew to be my house, having a party with my fiancee sat next to me. I laughed and said “How did I get so lucky, someone pinch me!”. Fiancee pinched me, I said “ow!” and we laughed. Then I woke up, fucking brutal sense of loss for a wonderful life that suddenly didn’t exist.

I still remember it quite clearly. Last month my landlord served notice on me after 13 years (wants to sell), I’m self employed and always thought a mortgage was out of the question. Well… I have tenative approval from a lender… and an offer accepted on a house… still time for it to fall apart. So I refuse to get excited till keys in hand.

Anyway this has turned into a bit of a long ting. But just wanted to share, for anyone else who thinks it’s impossible… it’s very hard. But do-able.

This isn’t wholesome for me, it is a literal waking nightmare.

I don’t want cookie cutter suburban stability I want a reason to live.

This ain’t it for me man.