We were in the same class and I thought she was pretty and started chatting with her and trying to … I don’t know, you know, get to know someone well enough to start a relationship with them. However you do that – I still do not know.

I was also going through a period of severe depression and a period of severe vodka-in-the-morning alcoholism to compensate. I was not at my best. I remember every time I talked to her, and she seemed pleasant enough and friendly enough the whole time. At some point she mentioned she had a boyfriend, ok, cool; so what is the move here? completely stop talking to her? continue talking in a normal way? I attempted the latter, a few weeks later I got an official letter from the school saying she was concerned about “unwanted in-person contact and indirect contact with [me], which she deems to be harassing in nature” and I needed to sign a thing to never talk to her again.

I have a few unresolved points I can’t get over:

  • How am I supposed to continue existing knowing this occurred? I was labelled god-knows-what, I mentally carry it around like a scarlet letter. Is this the intended effect?

  • How am I supposed to enter a healthy relationship at this point? Do I still deserve love? Are you sure?

  • I am sober now, I am going to therapy, and so on, i am no longer a threat to society, etc etc

  • How can someone do something so austere, not even send a simple polite text or even a mean text before going straight to the authorities like an rat?

  • How can I not continually hate myself forever?

  • Metju@lemmy.worldEnglish
    0·
    8 months ago

    Okay, I’ll try to take a stab at this point by point:

    • The intended effect was for you to go no-contact with her. Imo - a nuclear option on her part (and as you mentioned, there were alternatives).
    • Yes, you do, and yes, I am sure. No discussion on this point, no moral hair-splitting-type-of-deal.
    • That’s the best thing you could have done. While battling addicition and your inner demons is an uphill struggle (been on therapy for 4 years after a distaster of a break-up myself), it’s worth it, if not for your friends and family, then for you and for the sake of improving as a person.
    • Unfortunately, cannot give you an answer on this. And, to be completely honest, you don’t need one; best thing you can do here in my opinion is to let it go.
    • Keep going to therapy, keep working on yourself. This will pass if you keep working on this, I promise.