We were in the same class and I thought she was pretty and started chatting with her and trying to … I don’t know, you know, get to know someone well enough to start a relationship with them. However you do that – I still do not know.

I was also going through a period of severe depression and a period of severe vodka-in-the-morning alcoholism to compensate. I was not at my best. I remember every time I talked to her, and she seemed pleasant enough and friendly enough the whole time. At some point she mentioned she had a boyfriend, ok, cool; so what is the move here? completely stop talking to her? continue talking in a normal way? I attempted the latter, a few weeks later I got an official letter from the school saying she was concerned about “unwanted in-person contact and indirect contact with [me], which she deems to be harassing in nature” and I needed to sign a thing to never talk to her again.

I have a few unresolved points I can’t get over:

  • How am I supposed to continue existing knowing this occurred? I was labelled god-knows-what, I mentally carry it around like a scarlet letter. Is this the intended effect?

  • How am I supposed to enter a healthy relationship at this point? Do I still deserve love? Are you sure?

  • I am sober now, I am going to therapy, and so on, i am no longer a threat to society, etc etc

  • How can someone do something so austere, not even send a simple polite text or even a mean text before going straight to the authorities like an rat?

  • How can I not continually hate myself forever?

  • JoBo@feddit.ukEnglish
    0·
    8 months ago

    You’ve had a lot of good advice here. I’m just going to drop this in:

    When a woman tells you she has a boyfriend, 99% of the time it means she wants you to back off. This is because men respect (and fear) other men in a way they do not respect (or fear) women. She’s hoping to end the conversation without having to hurt your feelings or risk you getting violent. Next time, take the hint instead of continuing to make her (rightly or wrongly) feel threatened.

    You don’t have to beat yourself up about it. You do need to think about why you got it wrong, work out how not to do that again, and forgive yourself for having found out the hard way.