TurtleCalledCalmie

Going thru similar shit right now myself I found an anchor in working out. I started from total zero - zero push ups, zero pull ups, zero sqats, zero crunches. I can do most of these now, with pullups to go still. But I also got into better mindset and learning discipline too. Good stuff that I’ve neglected for 20+ years.

I was in similar situation, where I would sleep off daytime, then it messed up my sleep schedule for years. I got better once I realized that I am a zombie in that state. I advise going for a walk. Try to go a bit further every day. Just stop outside, it’s funny to go home instantly, so have to walk for a minute. The this has two benefits - cardio on fresh air is good for physical health and makes you tired for the night, and for me it brought relief from mental pressure and gave space that I am safe to think about difficult stuff. There is something in act of moving that help with the head. It’s also nice anchor - you are in control of his much you walk, where you walk, just do it, like guy from memes.

Be kind to yourself <3

You were gaining exp in opsec by doing that :D

Thanks!
It took many years to start to know myself, I neglected myself by improperly understanding stoicism that correlated with some mental issues and low self esteem. Many triggers I had I just broke thru with pain, always felt exhausted. There was no sense of accomplishment in the struggle as things I struggle with are normal things for regular people, that’s what I told myself, so I should not make a fuss.
It takes a lot of effort to have compassion for one self.

First, some background: Feeling stupid can happen because when you feel anxiety, your frontal lobe (where you think) turns off. Anxiety is a form of fight or flight, and when that kicks in, your amygdalas (base of brain) block off the thinking part of your brain.

TIL, thank you <3

This one paragraph explained a lot for me why during my anxiety attacks I feel like I cannot do anything. I gonna try to rationalize this information next time it triggers. Recently I had good results with doing long walks (compared to my sitting life) with doggo.
I find it helpful in two ways - when I already got an attack I go with him to stop. This one is kinda coping mechanism to get away from the trigger.
Other thing is I started to make it into my routine to go on longer walks, and during them I explore some topics I find uncomfortable and it makes them less threatening than when I sit at home. The goal is to get accustomed to the feeling, take it in environment that is safe space to explore it. I want to be able to identify it and then maybe could teach myself to react differently, instead of crippling myself.

I know you have Kraków spelled basically the same, in Illinois iirc. Which is nice 🙂

Just to add to this. Take a nice shower, eat something light, wear comfy cloths, and take your trip. Stay safe, enjoy, and have bottle of water with you :)

I managed finally to set up several VMs and connect them into kubernetes cluster so I can learn that tech properly. I come from one or two layers below, I’ve been Linux admin who touched Ansible and did some open stack ocherstration but never had opportunity to go higher due to the project specific issues. So here I am, in theory a senior, learning popular tech which is required from juniors. Humbling experience, and NGL after 30 it’s getting harder, but it’s still fun.

For details if anyone is interested I made six vms, one serves haproxy, two are worker VM, three are controller. They are connected into network, and I run kubespray to create cluster from that. All localhost which is nice. I make small readme on it to later format and put ^^ I had issues with set up like WSL having python3.8 and kubespray refusing to find pip deps, which I figure more people might encounter if they experiment. And as admin, for me it was always the greatest hussle to setup the toolset, all later steps are a breeze compared.

Kubernetes seems cool :3