if one of these just ramps up the anxiety, skip that sense and do the others. trying to pick 5 things i can see is. …not useful. …in a panic attack. but closing my eyes and doing the others does help. it took a very long time before someone suggested skipping sight to me, so i share the insight whenever this method is suggested.
my cat loses it if she wakes up and can’t see me. I live in a studio. there aren’t a lot of “out of sight” options. at one point, there was just a screen between me, in my computer chair, and her, on the bed. we still did the whole call and response.
she doesn’t look for me, she just starts yelling until I respond.
yep. I self-select out of dog friendly offices. if that’s a “benefit”, I can’t work there.
mostly, yeah! it was a very dysfunctional childhood, but we’re all mostly functional adults.
my HS graduation was on a Saturday, and my mom’s attempt was the following Monday. so I guess this has that beat for awful.
chronic depression really distorts your view of things. my mom honestly didn’t think it would taint my graduation or change my plans. sort of, like she was already gone from my life, so she was just trying to wrap things up?
unsurprisingly, even though she wasn’t successful, she still managed to screw me and my younger siblings up for a fair bit. it’s been 20+ years, and only one of us still is in contact with her.
my cat thinks “up” and “down” both mean “get off my lap”.
she also recognizes that when I sit and talk to myself (voice chat) is perfect petting and cuddles time. she’s well known to my therapist and team because of zoom meetings.
and both guinea pigs and the cat have all decided that we do cuddles about 830pm. I thought it was “after work and dinner, sometime before bed”. but the number of times I look up to see what the fuss is, and it’s 830 and all 3 are looking at me expectantly… I assume they figure the time by daylight, because it’s not consistent when I get home.
for a lot of people in long term polyamory, it’s about intimacy, which sex is part of. even if you have relationships that are primarily about fun sexy times, you’re probably going to do a lot of scheduling to maintain those relationships, or find new ones.
cults often practice polygamy as a few men in power “marry” girls (teenagers or younger), and control the assets. this is a power imbalance that can easily be abused.
polyamory as a modern term is trying to differentiate from that. proponents emphasize enthusiastic consent (from all parties) and communication, and often will warn against any rigid hierarchy among the polycule members. that’s an ideal, so it’s certainly possible to find examples that fail, but the intent is that people are all equally respected.
for me, it’s seeing how similar we are. I went low contact and moved away almost 20 years ago. getting to know my now-transmasc brother when we’re both adults is wild. he’s dealt with things differently, but despite 8 years age gap and 18 years not talking, we have a lot in common still.
1984, not 1948, in case anyone goes looking for the reference
you mean the thing where people, often women, have spent decades trying to expose the abuse happening in private homes, and trying to get it addressed?
because that’s what happened. women’s voices, speaking about marital rape and domestic abuse. getting the political power to change laws, to make it illegal, and give domestic victims the means to escape. it also surfaced the child abuse, again. it’s just not been buried again yet.