I’m trans, came out just a couple of months ago. I don’t post about this on Lemmy very often (if at all), but it’s been a struggle. My dysphoria - in a nutshell, the incongruency between what I see in the mirror and what I want to look like as a woman - has had a profound effect on me. I’m pushing fifty, and I can honestly say transitioning is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.

I have good days and bad days. Today is a good day, but on the bad ones I feel as though I look like Quark in the DS9 episode “Profit and Lace.” I’ll tell myself all kinds of awful, self-hating transphobic things like “you’re just a man in a dress” or “ugh what is that thing” or “freak” or “you’ll never be a real woman.” What a repulsive thing to say to yourself, how terribly unkind. I have specific issues with my facial hair, which are being addressed, but things like that take time. It’s like I’m fighting a battle against my own body, something I think most people can’t easily relate to. It’s hard to be patient while living in this (emotionally) painful in-between state, not knowing if I’ll ever be happy with myself. If it weren’t for my incredibly supportive wife, I’m not sure where I’d be right now.

Yeah, today is a good day. For now, at least. I feel safe and comfortable posting this here, you guys have always been a supportive and accepting community and I’d like to say thank you for that. Maybe I should start posting in the blahaj instance rather than bombarding you guys with this. Anyway, I’m gonna sign off for a while, I got my hands full at work today and gotta focus. Thanks for letting me vent.

  • Kelly Aster 🏳️‍⚧️@lemmy.worldOP
    6·
    9 months ago

    And uhhh HELLO you are essentially going through puberty, a major life change, AND doing heavy duty therapy work all at the same time!

    Uggh I know, I have to keep reminding myself that there is a lot going on, especially my poor brain’s hormonal struggles. Arrgh this is awful, kinda hilarious, but awful.

    Grab a stuffed animal, soft blanket and your favorite snacks.

    HAhah wait, side note…I have been getting the munchies lately like never before. Is this a thing?

    Ok sorry, I see so many trans women at my job and all I think and feel when I see them is how happy I am that they are finally going to feel at home in their own bodies and living their truth! And I just want to make them feel as supported as possible. I’m not concerned or thinking about if they are passing. Oh but I do so badly want to give them fashion advice sometimes , lucky you got your wife!! Obviously I get carried away with this. Idk fellt cute, might delete later.

    Whoops I hit reply by accident a little early. I just wanted to say thank you, I read everything you said and it means so much to me, so thank you, asteriskeverything! hug

    omg I’m an emotional mess. And I’m high. It has been a good time reading all these replies, especially yours. I feel so supported. Thank you again ❤️

    • asteriskeverything@lemmy.world
      2·
      9 months ago

      HAhah wait, side note…I have been getting the munchies lately like never before. Is this a thing?

      Maybe?? I never thought about it until now but yeah I guess I’ve only had women in my life talk about how badly they are cravings something!

      I’m glad I was able to bring you some comfort! And like I said if you ever wanna talk to someone my inbox is open. (This goes for anyone reading this who needs someone) I’m not a professional but I’m familiar enough with all this stuff and mental health that you won’t have to spend a lot of time answering questions to explaining stuff

      I hope you continue to remember you’re supported. And I hope you have more good days than bad. Try to laugh at it on the bad days, if you can. hug ❤