fucked up question, I know - but ultimately it’s a question about suffering and experience of personhood - did “you” really experience the torture for an hour if you don’t remember it later?
What about the hour where you were awake and present, before the memory is wiped? How much does that suffering matter? Does the fact that after the torture you won’t remember override the suffering you will experience in the present during the torture, relative to suffering you will remember the rest of your life?
Eh, I’ve adapted to the pain mostly. Thank you though,for caring :)
Most days, I can just “box” the pain and shove it in a corner of my mind. As long as I don’t do anything too stupid, it stays there and my conscious mind pretends it doesn’t exist. A little Tylenol and the threshold for it rises. There’s days it either just won’t go in the box, or breaks loose without any provocation, but I’ve got an incredible family and group of friends that help me keep things going on those days. Lucky as hell.
And, I would agree with your providers. If electrolysis is a 1-2 for you on the acute scale, your tolerance is good. Well, or mine is bad. I had a little test patch done as moral support, and it felt like a second degree burn for me, which is a solid five or six on my end. Everyone perceives things a little different, obviously, and burns tend to bother me more than some people. I once had a small burn almost to the bone, and I was just curled up screaming and crying. The spot was maybe a half centimeter across, but it felt like my whole hand was lit up.
oh, sorry for the confusion but I meant the pain is a 1 - 2 at most after the session is over.
In the moment being zapped is at worst between a 6 and 8 (I’m only getting electrolysis on my genitals, that is probably relevant here).
With lidocaine I would say around half of the electrolysis zaps are like a 1 - 4, completely easy and bearable. Maybe 30 - 40% are 5 - 6, and maybe 10% or less are 6 - 8 (which for me gets into unbearable territory, esp. when there are a bunch of them one after the other; there is usually adrenaline kicking in, even with xanax, and I have to do a lot to calm myself and stay still).
Some of the pain is so bad my body jerks involuntarily and yeah, it’s like being burned with a hot needle. I would compare the worst laser on my face to having a hot clothing iron pressed on your face repeatedly, it’s a pain I don’t think anyone should be enduring - I actually think there should be regulations against this and more done to ensure this level of pain is not experienced (the way it’s standard to numb patients for dental surgeries for example).
Interesting about the pain in the box, that really makes sense to me, esp. the metaphors about it breaking loose on bad days. I’m so glad you have good family and friends, and I also wanted to say it’s extremely sweet of you to get a test patch done as moral support. You’re a really good person, wow 🥰