My girlfriend is really close with her siblings and every second week of the month she always has all of them over to have dinner at our apartment so they can get together. It’s a large group of 5 other siblings so it gets loud but it’s all fun and they’re very nice people and we all get along. Her brother is really cool and builds computers for fun and I think that takes a level of knowledge that I don’t really posses so I’m like very happy for people who do things like that and I do see building computer is a hobby because it takes skill determination and a lot of time to do and there’s a healthy component behind I think. I think I see it as a puzzle.
He got upset at me though when we were talking about some computer parts, he was saying how one computer part is running very hot that it burns the cables and breaks the computer and even though this happens he says it’s rare and he still wants one. I asked him how that happens and he said it’s usually because the parts are put under a lot of pressure when they’re being used and sometimes they get really hot and they break and he said it’s usually because of a video game. I laughed a bit and said something like “breaking a computer over an video game lol” but I don’t think he got it and he said “well that’s the whole point of the parts to play video games.”
I laughed a bit but he wasn’t laughing and looked like a said something rude. I apologized for not knowing about the computers and he said it was okay. I told him that I only play Mario kart every now and then and that it’s my favorite game because me and my gf play it every now and then and that’s when he said “that’s a good hobby for you both” and I got confused and said “it’s not a hobby just a bit of fun.” He said hobbies are supposed to be fun and that’s why games are hobbies because they take a lot of time and energy. I frankly disagree with this so I told him “people put time and effort in work but work isn’t a hobby” and he got mad again and said “you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I think I upset him over the computer parts so I tried to make it up to him by saying “I think building computers is a hobby and that takes time and effort” but then he said “don’t patronize me I know what you’re doing” so things got really sour. He left the dinner table and went to watch tv.
After driving him home my sister told me that he spent a lot of money like thousands on online card games and that it was a sensitive topic for him. I didn’t mean to offend I really like him but now I feel like he probably thinks I’m some condescending person. Is there any way I can make it up to him?
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yeah, you can apologize
hob·by /ˈhäbē/ noun noun: hobby; plural noun: hobbies
- an activity done regularly in one’s leisure time for pleasure.
/ˈhäbē/
they made the IPA american
Doesn’t look like the IPA to me, the y in hobby would be /i/, it’s still unamerican for now
But if it’s a financial burden and doesn’t bring him happiness I consider that more of an addiction rather than a hobby
thats not a thing you get to decide for other people
I care about him though. I don’t want to fight this, I know it’s not my decision but I think there’s other things he’s happier doing like building the computers he is very happy doing this, but I just see it as a waste if he’s spending thousands of dollars on the video games that brings him no happiness, it’s more of an addiction. I think he could invest that money into buying the parts he wants instead of of game because at least then he be happier building the computers that he can afford rather than building a computer only to get angry because of addiction to the game which is unhealthy
you need lessons on minding your own business. the happiness he derives from his activities is his to judge, not yours. whether you see it as a waste or not is irrelevant.
if you insist on it being relevant, then you are the problem here.
I just want him to be less angry about video games. It’s a shame he is in his element talking about computer and computer parts and building computers is what he loves to do… it’s just a waste that a lot of his negative energy goes toward the game itself. Just seems all rather disappointing. I’m not trying to fight I just want the best for him
Is it the video games that are making him angry? Based on your post, it sounds like you demeaning his hobby was what made him upset. Then again, this post is all I have to go off of.
I do think I was wrong saying what I did but now I learn more about his gaming habit and how it affects his life and his family I think there’s more to this than we know. I just want t what’s best for him
meh. your good intentions dont cover for your ignorance or apparent inability to ‘read the room’.
some peoples favorite hobbies are frustrating money sinks. that doesnt mean anyone has the right to tell them that its not worthwhile to them.
you just need to learn to stfu
I don’t think you have to be so rude… what the heck?
So… you’re okay with him spending thousands of dollars to build computers…. But not okay with him using those computers to play games? Because… why?
Because he yells while playing games? Like people don’t yell while playing sports? It sounds like you’re just judgemental against video games and he has a right to be mad at you for it. Let people enjoy what they enjoy. Not everyone is you or has to have your hobbies and ideals.
I don’t have any problem with him playing video games on the computer but if those games are money sponges than I’d rather he not put so much energy into them. Like I said I play games every now and then and games are fun, but if they’re costing you your happiness then it’s clear that it has a likeness to that of an addiction
I mean… is it costing him his happiness? People spend thousands on things they like. Sounds like he enjoys it? I mean if he is like starving or missing rent or selling his kidneys for it then yeah it’s a problem but otherwise… let him enjoy it?
People spend thousands on a single deck of real cards to play magic the gathering, so it’s not that crazy to also do online. People spend thousands on most hobbies.
Getting angry and scaring his family members over a video game isn’t a healthy hobby
how do you know it doesn’t bring him happiness?
your sister told you that he spent a ton of money on online card games. but he’s clearly not playing only online card games if he’s overheating computer parts. so he could have an addiction to card games, but that doesn’t mean all of his gaming hobby is a financial burden that doesn’t bring him happiness.
also i feel like you’re jumping to fast conclusions about him through second hand information and one interaction where you were kinda being a dismissive dick over something he likes
I asked her which game and she said it’s called heart stone and he spent a few thousand on the game. He still lives with mom and she says that he stomps and yelps a lot. I don’t think this is healthy.
I am happy that he knows a lot about computers I respect him for that but spending so much on gambling games is addicting I don’t think I’m wrong here. I care about him
oh okay, yea i’d probably agree with that, but i doubt that that’s the entire hobby, so i wouldn’t be dismissive of the whole thing. would prob be more productive to pick at the heartstone addiction specifically
she says that he stomps and yelps a lot
yike, yea def not healthy. actually reminds me a lot of my abusive ex, that kinda addiction where you get really mad at competitive p2w games is really not great
I’m very happy that he knows how to build computers like proud of him but playing games and getting angry and spending soooo much money is bad!
for sure, it’s good you’re looking out for him, sorry if i sounded dismissive at first
I didn’t get that dismissive vibe from your comment so don’t worry
Hearthstone is pay2win af, but I wouldn’t call it gambling just like I wouldn’t call dumping a shitton of money on Warhammer 40k figures or Magic the Gathering cards gambling.
What is hearthstone?
An electronic trading card game (TCG) by a terrible game developer riding on decades-long nostalgia because they made a couple of good games more than two decades ago. TCGs like Hearthstone and Magic the Gathering were the blueprint for much of what plagues modern gaming. Lootboxes and gacha games wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for MtG.
And they’re pretty much gambling because the way TCGs work is you have to build a deck of cards, but the cards themselves are only available in booster packs and not all set of cards within those booster packs are created equal. If you’re lucky, your booster pack will have OP cards, but if you’re not lucky, your booster pack is filled with complete trash and completely worthless. Lootboxes are just those booster packs applied to gaming and gacha games are an entire genre of gaming build around opening booster packs and the highs from getting what you want/the lows from getting worthless garbage.
An free to play online collectible card game by Blizzard. I’ve only ever dabbled in it years ago, but it does the usual free to play thing where it’s technically possible to build a good deck through just playing the game normally but practically impossible to make something cool without dropping money. They also do the thing where certain old cards not admissible in certain game modes after some time, encouraging users to keep buying new cards from new expansions.
Ohhhhh I thought it was a gambling game because I just think all “card” based games involved gambling. More you know! So I guess I’m happier knowing it’s not gambling but how does someone spend so much money on this if it’s not gambling
doesn’t bring him happiness
How do you know this?
If stomping and yelling brings him happiness then I’ll leave it… but I don’t think it’s like this
Stomping and yelling is 95% of what we do on Hexbear and it brings us so much happiness.
Right, saw you mention that after I commented - for sure that’s unhealthy. I used to have a bit of this as a kid (throwing controllers, tantrums) despite not even playing competitive games. I brushed it off as just “getting into it/getting immersed”, but really it was holding me back from enjoying gaming - that level of vitriol isn’t how anyone acts when they’re having fun. So I agree, you’re right to be concerned there.
What I will say, though, is that he might act like that when playing Hearthstone - a competitive game that you say he has sunk thousands of dollars into. There might be other games he plays that actually bring him joy. If he builds overheating gamer PCs, he definitely plays other stuff too. I doubt he got into that hobby/leisure activity to play a shitty pay-to-win TCG. So maybe focusing on his issue with Hearthstone, rather than the much more broad and nebulous term “gaming” would be a better way to reach him.
I get that, but the word “addiction” is really specific and implies a chemical dependency in the brain. Lots of research has been done on this, and admittedly here were some that tried to make the case that gaming can be addictive, but it’s not been reproducible and most scholars today don’t believe that. In fact, a lot of contradictory evidence points to the fact that it’s not.
Cite your sources
I don’t agree with this with all due respect
oh yeah, you have evidence to the contrary? site your source. feelings need not apply.
My evidence is he’s living in his moms house spending his allowance on a game and yelping and stomping…
right, i forgot youre the worlds social police making sure everyone is acting as you think they should.
sorry, carry on judging everyone!
No I care about my girlfriend’s brother. I don’t want to see him hurt over video games. I’m sorry you don’t see it the way I do but you’re probably addicted yourself so that’s why you’re insistent on arguing with me
That’s not what an addiction is.
Agree with disagree
who is being financially burdened?
After driving him home my sister told me that he spent a lot of money like thousands on online card games and that it was a sensitive topic for him.
As far as we know, it’s the gamer. Tho maybe his parents if thry pay for it?
take the L here mikey
MikeyChaz is seriously the best troll account and nobody gets it.
Mikey gets people angry like liberalsocialist but doesn’t say anything bannable. Just good clean trolling. Back to the fundamentals.
It’s some classic Ken Ham style stuff, good clean silly fun, that is just not quite ridiculous enough to be easy to spot.
Who’s Ken ham
He’s the internet’s greatest warrior
The under one month accounts are doing some work today
I don’t like this line of thinking, I have no control over who engages with the post, the community does and I don’t know why so many people are commenting. Someone said a troll group called lemmitors are responsible so take with that what you will
lemmitors are responsible so take with that what you will
Lemmitor is a term used on Hexbear to refer to a Lemmy user (usually from a federated instance) who acts like a redditor and has their brainworms.
Gaming pales in comparison to my hobby: gooning
Depends on the game tbh. If being a film nerd can be a hobby then I think liking games from an artistic and programming perspective is on the hobby spectrum
But also who really cares it’s not a big deal
If you get angry at video games it’s a very big deal especially when it impacts other people and is detrimental to finances
Yeah but the same can be said about basically any other hobby. Toxic fanbases abound in every artistic medium, as do trashy forms of art or film that deserve ridicule.
I don’t think trashy art or film nerds are saying slurs, wasting thousands of dollars, or scaring their family members over their hobby
Uhh have you seen the whole sphere of reactionary film “enthusiasts” the same thing applies here. There are people that just like their slop, there are people who take it seriously for the wrong reasons, and there are people that engage with the media critically and actually produce sober analysis through a critical analytical lens. Feels like you were really just trying to fish for people agreeing with you for doing something rash.
I don’t think I did anything rash I just told him I didn’t think video games are a hobby because they’re more like a leisure
And many things can be both. For some painting miniatures is both leisure and hobby. For others, designing interesting buildings in games that feature those mechanics, specifically for the enjoyment of others is also both leisure and hobby. I think you are painting with too broad a brush here based on experience with an individual(s) habits pertaining to one specific form of media.
I don’t know what to believe if you’re some kind of Lemmitor who is against me to make me feel bad then I should ignore you. I choose to just believe what my heart tells me
To me what separates a hobby from leisure or play is that a hobby is productive. When you create things for pleasure is a hobby. Making games can be a hobby, playing them is play, it’s right there in the sentence. Watching a movie is leisure. All of these things are good and cool and should be done by everyone to an extent. But to me a hobby is something like arts n crafts stuff
Yeah that’s my stance on it as well I’m just illiterate and didn’t think to use the word leisure
Video games are play. Cause they’re active but non productive. Leisure is passive entertainment like a movie or play. I am also saying how I feel these words should apply to what so there’s a distinction, absolutely no one else goes by these categories cause I literally made them up 10 minutes ago.
I’ve been thinking about your definition, and while it does get me to consider what I’m getting out of my time sinks, I think it’s ultimately narrowing a definition to the point of uselessness. Asking what someone’s hobbies are would end up with a very narrow range of answers when someone might be extremely active doing things like camping, sports, trainspotting, salsa dancing.
I was going to type more but I’m late for work lol I don’t think it added too much
When someone says ‘what are your hobbies?’ It’s shorthand for ‘what do you enjoy doing?’. None of these are dictionary definitions of the terns but for this particular conversation it seems useful to me.
Where do you think sports fit into this? I’d consider the sport I do my main hobby but it’s not particularly productive beyond benefits to my health.
Play
For some people, hobby just means “leisure activity”. I don’t think burning personal relationships over semantics is particularly productive, but also this is a person who has an unhealthy relationship with his hobby (or leisure activity). You can have an unhealthy relationship with your local theatre group, or carpentry. Games, obviously being designed as skinner boxes that have gambling[1], lend themselves to unhealthy relationships (also in many other ways).
There is also the need to be validated. Gamers want their activity to be validated, and saying that their activity isn’t a “hobby” or isn’t “art” is invalidating. Things can be bad versions of those. I would say, however, that its a “hobby” as much as watching TV is a “hobby”. If someone claims that watching TV is more legitimate than playing video games, they’re being silly.
He is right in that hobbies are supposed to be fun. If he is only having negative experiences with his hobby (or leisure activity), he should probably choose a different one. Possibly one with a proper community that doesn’t revolve around being served people to bully.
legally not gambling ↩︎
Honestly, if it feels like this game is what he considers to be a part of his identity (in the same way as you consider him being a “computer guy” part of his identity), then you should apologize and move on.
For many people, their hobby is a part of who they are, and if he feels like this is his hobby, and a part of who he is, you should let him be.
Unless he is spending so much money on the game that it actually causes issue on the quality of life of other family members, in which case, sure, he would need to stop. As far as his life, and his hard earned money, goes, that’s up to him I guess.
Anything you do for entertainment, that you don’t get paid for…is a hobby. You don’t have to be good at it. It doesn’t even need to be a skilled task.
I see but if he spending thousands on video games it’s not a hobby anymore but an addiction
Scuba and sky diving regularly is extremely expensive. Are those not hobbies? Sorry but you’re just squarely wrong here.
I think those give the people a level of satisfaction with completing it. I think a hobby is something you enjoy not something that makes you react in anger. I know I don’t have any control over how he feels about things but if he’s happier building a computer and less happy playing a game then I see that building computers is a hobby but playing games is an unhealthy and harmful addiction to him personally
If you scolded a sky diver for how much they spent on their harness or a scuba diver for how much their dive computer cost, they’d be pissed too.
I think you’re conflating gaming with spending addiction. Maybe he does have a problem, maybe he doesn’t. It’s still a hobby. There are many games that challenge the player mentally, and provide immense satisfaction when completed.
All you can do is apologize, but only if you mean it, because the vibes I’m getting from the comments are that you don’t want to understand and just want to not be in trouble. Sorry if that’s presumptuous!
I’ll apologize but I think hobbies are something you pay money to enjoy. An addiction is just chasing that stimuli without having a genuinely good positive connection to what gives the person the stimuli. Something like sky diving or scuba is what I’d consider good stimuli because it’s something that is good for the body, being locked in a room stomping and yelping and spending thousands of dollars on a video game isn’t a hobby. It might be a spending problem like you said but I think building computers is his hobby and video games is his addiction
After reading the comments here (
). Being rude to gamers is okay and necessary for socialism.Being rude to gamers is okay and necessary for socialism.
It is known
The root of the conflict seemed to be semantics about the definition of “hobby”. To most people a hobby is simply whatever you like to do in your free time for fun, and seems to be his definition. If you’re worried there’s tension, I would maybe apologize and clarify you weren’t trying to put down what he likes to do. But if you feel another argument would result, I would just let sleeping dogs lie and move on.
he spent a lot of money like thousands on online card games and that it was a sensitive topic for him
Melting my PC so I can experience the riveting experience of Hearthstone.
Lol does Hearhstone even heavy enough to demand a GPU that powerful?
Overclocking my GTX 5090 to play Yu-Gi-Oh! Master Duel
As someone who’s known a lot of gamers, I think this is something people mostly have to figure out for themselves, especially games that are engaging to an addictive degree but maddening (league of legends comes to mind). If there’s a gambling addiction buried in there as well that’s more serious but still not something you probably should broach with him unplanned.
The main thing you should know is that (IMO) he assigns moral value to the term hobby and feels you demeaned his gaming as frivolous by insisting you didn’t consider gaming a hobby. I assume you didn’t intend to say “you’re wasting your life on meaningless games” or anything so judgemental but that’s probably not far from how he took it.
If it comes up again you might be able to make some gesture towards understanding the depth of his enjoyment of games, or the meaning he draws from them or skill he has at them, but ultimately if you view it as an addiction he has and he views it as a good hobby, you’re going to disagree, and unless you are really close to him (you don’t inherit your GFs closeness by proxy), you might not be the person to try and push him on this topic. If your goal is to help with his potential addiction I would talk to the family first, not directly to him, even if you’re right, it may not be helpful or polite to say, but if your primary goal is to “make it up to him” you should be apologetic (he may still see this as just more patronizing).
His reactiveness and seeming insecurity about this probably indicate he knows that (at least by society’s standards) he has a problem, but pushing the issue and being blatant about what you think about his habits may just upset him further and entrench his mentality, so you should consider the ramifications for you and your sister before pushing further
How much is the part he wants that he says melts? If it’s like 100 or so USD I could get it for him to make it up for him but kinda give him an ultimatum like “I’ll get you this part but like I’d rather you focus on building than playing games I’m worried and I love you”
but kinda give him an ultimatum like “I’ll get you this part but like I’d rather you focus on building than playing games I’m worried and I love you”
why are you being weird? let the nerd play his games.
I’m not being weird what the heck
You’re talking about making ultimatums to a grown man over the toys he likes, it’s absolutely weird and frankly the best thing you can do is mind your own business.
I respect that you love and care about this person, but we’re talking about video games here, not heroin addiction. Just let him enjoy his “hobby” in peace.
I would recommend against this. Feel that it might add to the condescension he was feeling and worsen the situation.
If it’s the power connector on a graphics card, it isn’t really the sort of jelly-bean swappable part you’re thinking of (more of a repair part), and likely not something he needs until/unless his burns out.
To be clear I would not advocate for giving him an “ultimatum”. To me that implies an “or else”. What are you going to do when he goes “you’re being a condescending ignoramus, f off”? Just caring about him doesn’t give you the right to tell him what he should do with his life. If you must bring it up to him I would differentiate between the harmful things you have (personally, not via what your gf tells you) observed about his gaming, vs his gaming in general, because its clearly a large part of his life that he enjoys in a way that goes beyond building computers.
Who are you to tell him to stop gaming? I mean you can say that, but why would he listen, he is his own person.
Frankly you’d be better off leaving well enough alone, at least until the hurt has subsided for him, and should frame any future discussions in terms of things he cares about not just telling him he’s living his life wrong.
I think gamers (like anyone) can be oversensitive about this stuff even when they have an obvious problem, but in this case it doesn’t sound like you’re being sensitive at all to the fact that he has autonomy and might see some or most aspects of his gaming habit as positive or neutral
That nvidia gpu with melty cables is targeted by scalpers and I remember hearing about it costing around 3000 USD a few months ago. I don’t know about the cost of the cable.
Cost of the cable is <$50, but you do not need to buy them as a consumable item. I would suggest you do not buy this.
