Also, what are your favorite comebacks to bullies?
I need to stop trying to change unchangeable people. I’ve been through so many bad faith people who dehumanize at every turn whenever they feel they won’t get consequences. I need to make there be consequences for dehumanization.
Someone said to me “What if there’s a predatory creep that you don’t know how to socially shut down, and they feel emboldened because you don’t roast them?” I said that’s happened. They said i need to practice in lower risk scenarios. Maybe I get roasted for calling someone an asshole. One day that can turn into me and the dehumanizer going 50/50, me and them both getting half the roast. But to even get there I have to start by being roasted by bullies.
I won’t get anywhere if I don’t start clapping back and getting roasted many times by many assholes.
My strategies have been:
- be big
- be mean
- immediately “go for the throat”
- oh shit oh fuck 1-3 don’t apply outside of childhood
- present their actions as extremely anti-social, and in doing so build a united front of people who are sick of their bullshit. In general bullies are cowards who are supported by cowards, and thus their supporters are easily won over by posing as a “strongman” figure they can get behind because they think that person will “win”. Without their base, bullies change their tactics because it’s all an attention-seeking front. This then throws them off their game because their confidence is based on a single approach (they’re not typically bright), which means they’re doing something they’re uncomfortable with. Once you’ve identified what that is, spread it through gossip so everyone knows it’s a weak point, then be the first to call them out on it in public. Boom. Now you’re the alpha with a pack, and they’re the beta with a……sack? (Oh yeah, also leave a burning sack of shit by their home)
Why and in what capacity are you expected to interact with middle/high school students in this way?
Edit: Like for real, are you asking this as a middle/high school student yourself? Because if not then there’s no reason you should “roasting” anybody. And even if you are then whoever gave you that advice originally sounds like a literal child.
I wasn’t very clear and edited the title. I probably haven’t interacted with actual public school students for years now. I just mean 10-20 year old levels because I never started socializing in environments where I’m allowed to talk back until the past few years, and i need to start somewhere. I don’t talk to middle to highschool aged kids. A lot of adults act that young and dehumanize me in the style of lame kids.
Lame isn’t a very kind word to use in this context, but I understand what you mean.
Damarcusart gave you some solid advice. Personally I do not think “gray rocking” is a good idea. I’ve seen kids and adults get beaten up for not responding to bullies. I like what they said about not being an easy target or being a dangerous target. I think the latter offers more protection for yourself though. Bullies and assholes of all kinds respond to one thing most of all, social pressure. If you are able to put a group of people around you who agree that this roasting thing is nonsense, you’ll be safe. If you isolate yourself then you make yourself an easy target. Make friends with people who are kind to you and make you feel safe.
Lame isn’t a very kind word to use in this context, but I understand what you mean.
Why is it not kind? Is Lame an offensive word in any way?
Majority of the time when im bullied, I haven’t been with friends or even strangers. I typically get covertly abused when bullies find themselves alone with me. I want to discourage immature behavior and not allow them to try to get me to absorb their own sense of shame for them. A little roasting is good I think when it comes to covert abusers. Usually there’s no mortal danger, just shame slinging. In such cases, I want to hand the shame back into the hands it belongs it. Nothing further.
Lame can be read as an ableist term. Pretty simple.
I want to hand the shame back into the hands it belongs it.
As others have said, there’s nothing you say back to them that’s going to make a bully feel ashamed of themselves. They’ll change their behavior if they realize bullying is socially detrimental to themselves. If you’re alone with this person(s) don’t play along with the roasting. Keep your conversations about work or whatever. If they come at you with some bullshit, give them the ‘ol “Sure buddy” and move on.
But probably most importantly is to talk about them to other people. Tell others you think it’s weird and childish what they’re doing. Ingratiate yourself with their friends. Ask, “Why is this person doing that? What’s wrong with them?” You’re not taking the moral high ground here, you’re using social pressure to tell your bully to fuck right the hell off.
Oh okay. Not lame then. More specifically pathetically mean treatment by underdeveloped downpunchers.
I’m not sure what to think of the rest of what you said. I’ll digest it more later.
Yeah I get you. I was homeschooled for most of my life after I beat the breaks off some racist and homophic bully in kindergarten.
The main way to stand up against bullies is to make friends to the point where your posse outnumbers the bullies. Unless the bullies have personal beef against you, they’ll usually pick another target instead of trying to take on an entire group of people at once.
Gray rock can work, just be completely numb to everything they say, don’t react at all, ignore them even, no matter how in your face they get. They’re looking for a reaction. Especially if they’re with their buddies, no matter how good of a “comeback” you give them, by even playing their game, you’ve already lost.
The other option is breaking noses, but as Nakoichi said, it has mixed results.
Don’t try to be a martyr and act like a sponge for the bullies’ attention, in order to “save others.” It won’t change a thing, the bullies will still bully others and you will end up with severe psychological trauma the rest of your life.
The point in any case is to show them that you aren’t a worthwhile target to bully. It’s an unfortunate fact about our schooling system in the west that bullies can thrive and receive no comeuppance. The administration isn’t your friend in this matter. They’ll do whatever they can to make it “not their problem” rather than actually solving the problem. All you can do is either be too boring or too dangerous to bully. There has never been a situation in the real world where giving the “perfect comeback” shuts the bully up. That only happens in movies because it is cathartic and what people wish would happen. It never will, all you can do is make sure they don’t bully you.
I’ve seen people, kids and adults, get beat up for not responding to a bully before. It’s generally good advice, but I’d gray rock at your own risk.
That’s why I said “breaking noses” as an alternative. Grey rock should be the default reaction, but it needs to be backed up with violence unfortunately.
Breaking noses worked for me but like I said that was the 80s
I know someone whose good at both, giving withering roasts and grey rocking. They confronted my bullies. One avoided the confrontation by hiding in another room with the door closed. The other was smarmy and denied ever doing what they did to me. My friend is pretty impenetrable when it comes to gradeschool-level bullying. This was all done when we confronted them completely peacefully. He understands the quote, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I think the beginning of me understanding that quote is to learn how to speak up for myself. And that involves taking risks.
I understand there are abusers with personality disorders, but I’ve seen my friend shut down even those people. There are people who are simply immature abusers without personality disorders, and I mostly want to start standing up to them. Either way, when someone is incapable of taking accountability for their wrongs, I want to show they shouldn’t try to step on me to begin with. People avoid mistreating my friend and I want that treatment by being just as witty as him.
It really depends on context. The best defense against bullies is to just have other people who will have your back.
But what is the bullying?
Well I can tell you how I dealt with them but breaking someone’s nose in school has mixed results.
Zero-tolerance policies and their consequences
Yeah shit was a little more wild west in the 80s and 90s
Make tough friends. Burn eachother constantly. Be tough. Take classes on fighting. Build your confidence. Be funny if you can.
Bullies aren’t all the insecure assholes tv makes them out to be. Some people are just dicks and you have to be able to defend yourself mentally and physically. And sometimes you’ll lose. That’s okay though, because every time you lose it just makes you tougher and you can learn from your mistakes.
Very funny that everyone is just picturing this thread as you wanting to fight a middle school bully.
I’m imagining that early Peep Show bit where Mark gets bullied by a group of children. https://youtu.be/FytN0o1V-gQ
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
Lol I used to know people who actually act like the characters and so the chaos of the show stung for a while. But in the past year I finally learned to love it because my brain can register it’s just a show.
That sounds the problem is the people in your life and not your lack of roasting skills.
Well I grew up in that kind of enviroment, but now that I’m out of it im encountering other immature covert abusers. Who might not straight up have a personality disorders and who are simply immature downpunchers. They’ll wait until I’m alone with them to strike. Now i have these windows of being bullied where I came start defending myself and not face mortal fear. Idk where to start.
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
You tell them their breath stinks, that shit works every time
This is situational and depends on the person you’re beefing with, but the funniest roast I ever heard in school was a kid saying another dude had a “head like third-form Frieza”
Literally trying to kick them in the nuts works. You might get your ass beat, but they’ll also see you as too much trouble to mess with later. It’s not fun, but in my experience you have to literally fight them. It doesn’t matter if you win or lose.
Kramer is dominating the dojo
wtf
Depending on the situation just roast back. You can also just call someone out for being a dickhead in a crowd.
Just say “Why do you have to be such a dick?” and don’t back down, if they keep going, just keep asking the question. If you do that in a crowd, you’ll get them to either acknowledge them being a dick or back down.
If the bullying is isolated, start with leaving and trying to get to a crowd so you can pull off step one, or just leaving. If that’s not an option and they’re being aggressive, pop them with a sucker punch or a kick to the genitals then ask them again.
If you’re able to get them to bite on the “Why are you being a dick” approach, just maintain a jovial demeanor and laugh at their responses until they stop. You having that attitude puts them on the backfoot in a social setting because people naturally side with the more calm/laughing person.
Basically turn their bullying into a weakness and take the high road.
If it’s adults acting like teenage bullies, tell them to grow the fuck up
I’ve used this a few times, to varying success.
“Whoa, someone peaked in high school.”
Capitalism has hijacked what the general public views as a “grown up”. So i don’t say grow up. People who act immature are still having a legit adulthood. It just that that’s what their adulthood looks like.
My issue is not that they’re not grown ups. My issue is that they’re self projecting cowards who don’t deal with their own bullshit insecurities. That they’re downpunchers trying to make me absorb their damage.
Now I’m trying to not change minds. Skipping explaining that they’re sad and should punch upwards, and simply being confronting about what they’re doing. Responding coldly.
Fair enough
As with many things. There are many answers but one? Know the right people. I was never super popular at school but I did know and hang with some of the popular kids cause I took part in theater plays and I also was good at sports. Highschool politics are bullshit but if you can play them its pretty easy not to be at the bottom of the food chain.
“Highschool politics are bullshit but if you can play them its pretty easy not to be at the bottom of the food chain.”
I’m no longer in highschool (see edited title) but yes that can be true.
