I’ve posted here a lot about my mental health, I lost basically everything, I have no one I can talk to, my car is wrecked, I have less than 100 bucks in my bank account, while I have housing their are problems that make it not the best. I have 1k in debt.
In terms of my housing, I lived with some members a activist group for a bit, but they got too extreme the the point where they think me wanting to pay of my debt, save up for a car is individualist and me wanting to go college is carrierist.
Another thing is I’m an unattractive trans fem, que transphobia, I know y’all are gonna laugh like hell when I blow my brains out, some of y’all might be like THIS IS THE Consequences OF GENDER IDEOLOGY.
I just really don’t see a way forward at all, I felt like there isn’t much for me in this world anymore. Everytime I call a suicide hotline I get the dumbest most braindead advice like do an activity I enjoy as if that changes any of the material conditions of my life.
My plan is to have a dead switch, so when I do die 911 is called to help avoid any unnecessary trauma. It’s crazy to think 22 years ends like this.
Yesterday sucked, last week sucked, last month sucked, last year sucked, the last decade sucked. Nothing in my life has ever worked out.
It do be like that sometimes.
Did you know that it is a survival mechanism to focus on negative things and downplay positive things?
e.g., you have a roof over your head. That worked out!!
Oh, but there’s an issue there the roommates suck. Does that mean it’s all bust, and nothing worked? No, but your brain thinks it’s a good idea to treat it that way.
But it’s not 😡 🧠
Sorry you’re in this headspace.
So update, it really didn’t. I feel kinda insecure over that.
So happy to see you post again! Hope today is a little bit better than yesterday.