I’ve posted here a lot about my mental health, I lost basically everything, I have no one I can talk to, my car is wrecked, I have less than 100 bucks in my bank account, while I have housing their are problems that make it not the best. I have 1k in debt.

In terms of my housing, I lived with some members a activist group for a bit, but they got too extreme the the point where they think me wanting to pay of my debt, save up for a car is individualist and me wanting to go college is carrierist.

Another thing is I’m an unattractive trans fem, que transphobia, I know y’all are gonna laugh like hell when I blow my brains out, some of y’all might be like THIS IS THE Consequences OF GENDER IDEOLOGY.

I just really don’t see a way forward at all, I felt like there isn’t much for me in this world anymore. Everytime I call a suicide hotline I get the dumbest most braindead advice like do an activity I enjoy as if that changes any of the material conditions of my life.

My plan is to have a dead switch, so when I do die 911 is called to help avoid any unnecessary trauma. It’s crazy to think 22 years ends like this.

  • ReallyKinda@kbin.social
    0·
    5 months ago

    Never make important decisions when you’re depressed. You can’t think clearly in that state and you are only able to see the doom. It’s called tunnel vision and it makes you feel like there’s objectively no hope (which is rarely true). Instead you should take methodical steps to improve your situation. Pretend a friend is in your same situation and think about what you might do for them. Make warm tea. Watch media that’s gentle on you. Feel the warm sun. Focus on making sure you’re fueling your body with something. The money will be fine. 1k is not a lot of money and you can deal with it later if you can’t deal with it now. Credit scores can be repaired.

    • skymtf@pricefield.orgOP
      0·
      5 months ago

      I have nothing, no one will make me feel warm and safe and help me. That’s the truth. I’m alone.

      • ReallyKinda@kbin.social
        0·
        5 months ago

        You have to be that person for yourself. I find that when I am spiraling I have to put myself on a regimen. Eat at least twice even if it’s just crackers. Take a walk around the block. Watch some clouds or some tree branches or some water. My only job is to exist, for now. Nothing anyone thinks about me is important. Other things can wait. I’m not the only one in this situation. My depression is a valid reaction to the world but it is not permanent.