Because I wouldnt settle for a blowjob.

Because your mum said no to anal.

Because your mum is a stone cold freak.

Because the swingers parties got out of hand.

Because our bull doesnt like condoms.

Because I spent the abortion money on strippers.

Because I was too lazy to have a wank.

And finally.

Apologise and be nice to each other or Ill go dump one in your mother right now and see if I can get you a baby brother.