I’m always the one trying to put stuff together and nothing ever ends up happening. It’s clear I matter a lot less to everyone than they matter to me and that hurts. I really really wish that giving up on having people in my life would stop me from craving social interaction.
Mentioned feeling suicidal to the wrong friend and he freaked out and gave me the classically unhelpful/actively harmful pep talk and advice without ever trying to fucking understand and it makes me feel so fucking invisible. Like, people only care about me when I impact them by upsetting them at the thought of me harming myself. They don’t actually care, they just want to make themselves feel better, so I get the “be better, I don’t want to hear about you being suicidal anymore” talk so they can put my mental illness in the “done” pile and go back to not thinking about me. I do have a couple friends who will actually listen and empathize and understand, but there’s only so much you can lay on someone before it drives them away.
I’m going to delete or abandon this account soon. Trying to be social on Lemmy kind of is worse than having no social interaction at all, the internet in general but more specifically this corner of it is just filled with arguments and negativity and I end up dreading seeing inbox notifications. So, if I stop posting, I’m probably still around, not that anyone’s checking
The Internet is the worst place to seek life advice or personal validation.
I do not say this to be dismissive or pedantic: seek professional help. Talk to a therapist ASAP and start the path to making life better for yourself.Depression sucks, and I know it is not easy but try to get professional help. It can get better.
In therapy and on antidepressants, and things were better for a while, but the past few months have shown me that nothing ever actually improves. I can feel better about stuff for a while, or more accurately be emotionally disconnected from how shitty things are, but they don’t improve. I’ve tried, and failed so hard I’m much worse off now than before I started antidepressants and therapy in the first place. I’m done. I wish I’d never tried to make things better in the first place. Having hope was stupid and just resulted in me hurting way more. I’m mostly just trying to avoid suicide for as long as possible, I think it’s pretty inevitable.
Mentioned feeling suicidal to the wrong friend and he freaked out and gave me the classically unhelpful/actively harmful pep talk and advice without ever trying to fucking understand and it makes me feel so fucking invisible. Like, people only care about me when I impact them by upsetting them at the thought of me harming myself. They don’t actually care, they just want to make themselves feel better, so I get the “be better, I don’t want to hear about you being suicidal anymore” talk so they can put my mental illness in the “done” pile and go back to not thinking about me. I do have a couple friends who will actually listen and empathize and understand, but there’s only so much you can lay on someone before it drives them away.
So, at first, this won’t feel good. At first; this is going to hurt but eventually you will realize (I hope) that this is totally normal.
It’s not that your friend doesn’t care about you - they stuck around and gave you the bullshit spiel, and that doesn’t happen if they don’t give a fuck. I understand that it feels dismissive, but they wouldn’t have given you that “bullshit pep talk” if they didn’t care. They’re not professionals, and they’re not trained - they will NEVER get it right, and they shouldn’t have to. They’re your friends, not your therapists.
yeah, they might not be therapists, but to start pontificating at someone you’re supposed to care about instead of listening to them and having a conversation? that’s just being a bad friend. it doesn’t just feel dismissive, it is dismissive. op’s friend was not engaging with how they feel and what they’re going through, they’re telling op how they want them to be. and you can absolutely “get it right.” you can listen, engage and commiserate. show sympathy and empathy.
I’ve been on the receiving end of several of those talks and let me tell you most of those people never gave a shit to begin with. the rest are just bad at communicating. just because it’s normal doesn’t mean it’s good.
we can all do better, be better.
They’re not professionals, and they’re not trained - they will NEVER get it right, and they shouldn’t have to. They’re your friends, not your therapists.
I knew this, but seeing it spelled out…
It is so hard to hear from a friend I am trying to help that any support I give isn’t good enough. It is exhausting that my best I give is just thrown back at me and used as proof that life isn’t worth living. Honestly just made me not want to talk to anyone for a long time because of it.
100% this. Even if the closest friend I have told me they were suicidal, I’m not sure how well-composed my response would be.
OP, I’m sorry you’re going through this, and you deserve to feel better.
My advice would be to try not to antagonise other people for what they haven’t done, even if you maybe expected more. Life is pretty weird, and honestly, people with depression can be difficult to deal with. I say this as someone who is/has been that person. I am not proud of how that’s manifested in my social interactions sometimes.
You never know where someone is in terms of their emotional capacity. They could be depressed themselves, which could lower their empathy. They could have had a really rough week, which may have made your confession untimely for them. Who knows.
It sounds like you feel really lonely though, and honestly I would either 1) talk about that specifically over your depression as a whole, or 2) put yourself out there in community or hobby-related events and meet new people to form bonds with.
I wish you the best.
Sometimes life feels like a dark night, with no stars, no light.
No joy, no hope.
All you see around you is darkness.
Sometimes, this is how I feel.
But the stars shine, promising a bright day after the night.
The night will end.
But the other way around is also true: the bright day will end, and another dark night will begin.
To tell the truth I’m personally not sure when the night will end for me, or whether it will at all.
But, seeing the bright stars, I can hope.
Perhaps you can too.
For me, a great way to keep in touch without too muck awkward moments is to invite people to music shows, exhibition, etc. It allows to spend a bit of time with people, but I can also isolate myself if I need too by just watching the show. It also give a subject to discuss after. As for negativity on social media, I force myself to visit more positive communities and spend less time in political ones. Easier said then done, but it helps. Good luck, things will get better.
