Gee boss, I don't know how your son fell down fifteen flights of stairs. I guess he must have been real clumsy

Look closer AssortedBiscuits

We need to replace our light tanks

Best we can do is recreate the Mammoth tank from Command and Conquer

20 more years!

Just one more thing…

We should also pass out guides on how to talk like Peter Falk

Hence why the USA keeps telling Ukraine to lower the fighting age of their troops

It’s ghoulish, but it’s not their boys!

Well, I lost two teeth getting punched in the face at a bar so it can happen to the best of us

Should check with some of the dentists in your area though, some of them do pro bono restorative work and even if not, you might get some caps or a crown or something

Only thing I can think of is bird netting

Time to set up some Home Alone style traps

Just in case

Oxo GoodGrips Reusable Lint Roller

As someone with many pets, it keeps me looking crisp and stylish

What if it’s this elephant?

How much would it cost to get an elephant to step on this guy’s head?

You’re very welcome

Also, if anything we’re fellow raconteurs

I think you’re cool

Yeah, “cool”

to be fair, this is me half of the time

The Spuds Have Eyes

Only if you’re weird about it

Had an ex who was obsessed with the 80’s even though she was not alive during that time and also refused to actually interact with the art of that era

It was very weird, like she kept asking me questions about what it was like to be alive back then (I was like two) while at the same time refusing to engage with the stuff I loved about it (NES games, Chintzy TV shows like Manimal and early Industrial music)

Felt like I was being examined by a British Explorer back in the 1800’s

Also famous for touching women without consent

Darth Vader should be louder, angrier and have access to a time machine