You are a guy? And straight? I’m a lady, and honestly it’s not looks, it’s a look, if that makes sense - you only have to be acceptable looking to be attractive like that. The only guys that have got me flirty that way, none of them were particularly good looking. It was the way they looked at me that set it off. I knew it didn’t need to go anywhere, it’s just fun sometimes.
I do understand why you would want that, it’s very validating feeling. Even though superficial and light.
Yes, I’m a straight, cis man. It makes sense, and I’ve heard the similar sentiment, “just be confident,” before. I believe it, and it’s not surprising to me that I wouldn’t have “the look.” (Long story.) I’d love to hear specifics, because nobody has been able to explain what being confident actually means in practice, and I’ve spent more than 25 years now trying to figure it out. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve thought I’d cracked the code, only to fail again.
Honestly, though, based on my experience I feel that physical looks still have a lot to do with it.
Hey, I am relatively young, so take this as the experience with the appropriated doubt.
Confidence will betray you if you aren’t confident. If you think that you are a man not better or worse than others with a partner, then maybe it is difficult to find confidence in that. But that is why you have to do what we all are doing … Look at the things that you are better at than most.
Personally, I know a fair bit about computers. So I take pride in that. Sure, others are probably better at it than me but I am better than most.
Now, being good with computers and knowing a lot about them is generally not what people want to talk about. But that is the neat thing… You don’t have to. I know that I am. I communicate that I am and tell them that I am open to talk about it but as usually people aren’t into it, I won’t start that topic.
That means for me 2 things, 1. My selling point is not my confidence, skill or value. My selling point is me. Either they want me or they don’t. My value is outside anything and everything that they judge. I know my value. And they see it or they don’t. 2. I don’t need to show off what I am confident in.
Those 2 things give me confidence in dating. I don’t have confidence that they want to pull me into their bed. I have confidence in myself and my value.
My gf loves me. I don’t always understand why but she seems really committed. Something about me, that I don’t know and have no confidence in, she is in love with. But that is not an issue, I can love myself for reasons different to her reasons to love me.
Confidence is important because it changes how you behave. Behavior with confidence tend to be more honest in practice. You don’t overthink whether or not to text and ask them out. You aren’t scared of losing this opportunity and feel like a white lie to save the opportunity is worth it. It gives you the ability to communicate in certainty. You say what you mean. And an “I love you” is much more appealing when there is no doubt about the truth of it. Also if your plan is a long life together… Hiding doesn’t work for 20 years.
You are a guy? And straight? I’m a lady, and honestly it’s not looks, it’s a look, if that makes sense - you only have to be acceptable looking to be attractive like that. The only guys that have got me flirty that way, none of them were particularly good looking. It was the way they looked at me that set it off. I knew it didn’t need to go anywhere, it’s just fun sometimes.
I do understand why you would want that, it’s very validating feeling. Even though superficial and light.
Yes, I’m a straight, cis man. It makes sense, and I’ve heard the similar sentiment, “just be confident,” before. I believe it, and it’s not surprising to me that I wouldn’t have “the look.” (Long story.) I’d love to hear specifics, because nobody has been able to explain what being confident actually means in practice, and I’ve spent more than 25 years now trying to figure it out. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve thought I’d cracked the code, only to fail again.
Honestly, though, based on my experience I feel that physical looks still have a lot to do with it.
Hey, I am relatively young, so take this as the experience with the appropriated doubt.
Confidence will betray you if you aren’t confident. If you think that you are a man not better or worse than others with a partner, then maybe it is difficult to find confidence in that. But that is why you have to do what we all are doing … Look at the things that you are better at than most.
Personally, I know a fair bit about computers. So I take pride in that. Sure, others are probably better at it than me but I am better than most.
Now, being good with computers and knowing a lot about them is generally not what people want to talk about. But that is the neat thing… You don’t have to. I know that I am. I communicate that I am and tell them that I am open to talk about it but as usually people aren’t into it, I won’t start that topic.
That means for me 2 things, 1. My selling point is not my confidence, skill or value. My selling point is me. Either they want me or they don’t. My value is outside anything and everything that they judge. I know my value. And they see it or they don’t. 2. I don’t need to show off what I am confident in.
Those 2 things give me confidence in dating. I don’t have confidence that they want to pull me into their bed. I have confidence in myself and my value.
My gf loves me. I don’t always understand why but she seems really committed. Something about me, that I don’t know and have no confidence in, she is in love with. But that is not an issue, I can love myself for reasons different to her reasons to love me.
Confidence is important because it changes how you behave. Behavior with confidence tend to be more honest in practice. You don’t overthink whether or not to text and ask them out. You aren’t scared of losing this opportunity and feel like a white lie to save the opportunity is worth it. It gives you the ability to communicate in certainty. You say what you mean. And an “I love you” is much more appealing when there is no doubt about the truth of it. Also if your plan is a long life together… Hiding doesn’t work for 20 years.