Please note we’re a women’s only community, please only comment if you identify as female or non binary
We’ve also, for the last 30 years, raised women to believe in themselves, expect careers, and equal pay while simultaneously telling them that men still have out earn them and be more socially mobile in order to be worthwhile mates. So the men who achieve wealth and social standing are fought over, and there are a lot less of them than in my generation, so their behaviour isn’t great and may in fact be worse on average than what we dealt with in the 70s & 80s. Raising sons in the last 30 years has been a minefield. Trying to bring them up to be men that I, as their mother, feel I have done a decent job at, but still have them be successful and socially relevant, has been very difficult. Many of their peer aged women don’t appreciate that they can cook & clean and look after themselves and their partner unless they can simultaneously be tall, good looking, and significantly out earn that partner.
Sexual and romantic repression causes men to have most of the issues they have in regard to society.
Boys and girls are kept separated for the sake of repression.
Religon is primarily responsible for most repression of natural feelings in modern society.
Religion says all human beings are horrible sexual devients who need to be shamed into never interacting with the opposite sex.
Banning organized religon, and the religious indoctrination of children would do more to help men than anything else.
Entirely true - men need a more rounded upbringing instead of just being rammed full of machismo and misogyny and calling it a day.
Yeah, I agree. I’ve said something similar in the past - I think women are raised to be adults by 18, whereas boys are raised to be overgrown tweens by 18, and their parents call it “good enough”, leaving the rest of the job to future girlfriends and wives.
It does everybody a disservice, and it perpetuates this idea that girls mature faster than boys. We don’t. We’re just forced to grow all the way up and boys aren’t.
I think women are raised to be adults by 18, whereas boys are raised to be overgrown tweens by 18
I’ve noticed poor kids are expected to behave as adults much earlier than their richer peers. You’re expected to act independently of your parents sooner. You’re expected to become financially independent sooner. You’re expected to take on more physical and economic risk sooner.
Meanwhile, aggression is typically encouraged in boys and discouraged in girls. This leads to grown men with shorter tempers and more bravado, which may be interpreted as “acting like adults” among other similarly-aged men but “acting like children” for everyone else. Machismo becomes a career path, particularly via law enforcement and the military, for men. Also, as part of the sales, marketing, and advertising industries. So it is rewarded by socially and economically.
By contrast, sexuality - particularly submissive sexuality - is encouraged among girls. And - implicitly or explicitly - sexuality is offered as a pathway to economic independence for women. So women are expected to hit young adulthood earlier and then remain there until the jump to “motherhood”, at which point the definition of “adulthood” is limited to child care and house cleaning services. Women aren’t expected to be financially literate in the same way men are. They certainly aren’t encouraged to be entrepreneurial in the same way.
Richer young adults are allowed to bask in their childishness longer and afforded more opportunities to screw up financially and socially. Poorer young adults are expected to rush into their prime earning years as quickly as possible, and to assume the behavioral affectations to match.
This is a really interesting take - I hadn’t considered socioeconomic class as a covariate!
Can confirm, as a trans woman who’s only now starting to come out (and therefore raised as a boy) I am an absolute lady child.
Glad to break those glass ceiling sis, gib me chickie nuggies on my zoo pals plate.
You’ve nailed it. It’s so damn frustrating!!
Enby here, can confirm. My parents stopped letting me hang out with the girl across the street when I was 5 because an interest in playing with her dolls was “too feminine” for a “boy” like me.
My stepsisters got to be cheerleaders, I got forced to change high schools between my sophomore and junior years because my friend circle was mostly queer.
Hey there! You weren’t allowed to cheerlead, I was forced to when I wanted to play football, but I wasnt allowed to play football.
I also wasn’t allowed to ride quads or dirtbikes, or cut my hair or skateboard.
It sucked because my girl cousins got to, one of my cousins was the only female football player in our town. My stepfather wouldn’t let me do any of it though.
He taught me how to “be a good wife” however… Ugh. I feel you. I let my son be interested in whatever he chooses today. It’s not hard to do.
To be entirely fair, I didn’t want to be a cheerleader either. My extracirriculars before I was moved to a new school were mostly the chess and anime clubs, and afterwards I had to take the bus and couldn’t stay for after-school activities anymore.
My parents did let me grow my hair out and get my ears pierced, but that’s as far as I was willing to risk a femme presentation while I was living under their roof.
Yeah I get that. I also wasnt allowed to pierce my ears. My step father was old old school. Had to do skirt checks and everything. My sister wore shorts one time and he called her a whore :(
I started cutting my hair myself in highschool. My stupid ass stepfather thought it just didn’t grow lmao
Sucks we can’t get those days back, but I hope today you are able to do as you please.
For the most part, yeah!
My biggest challenge is finding clothes that fit me well, Women’s sizes are too short, Men’s sizes are too straight, and what passes for enby fashion is all baggy and sexless. XD
Hey Knightly! Really glad to have you in our group. I’ve recently read a load of academic articles on parental treatment of LGBTQIA kids. Tldr we’re often gender non conforming and often get treated like shit because of that. So I’m sorry to say your story is really common
Thanks! I’ve been reading for a while but didn’t feel comfortable commenting without your invite. =D
It really is a sadly common tale, but at least my story there has a happy ending. I never got kicked out, and it took 25 years longer than it should have but I moved to a blue state, started hormone therapy, and was accepted when I came out to my family.
I do love a happy ending! So glad you made it through to your true self. What’s been the best thing about it?
Honestly, the gender euphoria.
I spent so long living with dysphoria that being mildly depressed was my normal, but that first dose of Estrogen wiped it all away in an hour. It was like a piece of myself that had been missing for as long as I can remember just fell into place, and I spent that whole first day just grinning like an idiot and struggling not to break into a little dance every time I walked across a room.
Runner-up: A close tie between soft skin and my androgynous new scent.
Worst things? Relationship troubles with a partner that isn’t into trans people, and the conflicting choice between going stealth for safety or being the visible enby I never got to see when I was growing up.
Funniest thing? Most folks still just assuming I’m a guy because I’m keeping the fancy moustache, and then doing a double-take when they belatedly notice the padded bra that bumps me up to B-cups. XD
Yes absolutely your body knew! It just knew as soon as the estrogen hit it, it was the thing that was missing. Love that
For real. My only regret is that I couldn’t get started 'til I got away from Texas, and with the way the politics is going it doesn’t even feel safe to visit family there…
Sure, just take it with a pinch of salt.
Anecdotally, I was never raised to be a wife. I’m solidly mediocre at cooking and cleaning, and have zero interest in kids. My husband was raised by lesbians and is a wonderful partner. He loves to tell people that he taught me how to do laundry.
My boyfriend has a saying he’s been pulling out a lot: we raise our daughters and love our sons
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I think its true. Girls are expected to clean do laundry cook, look out for other peoples feelings etc. For boys that is often not the case.
Honestly, and I’ll edit to add direct links, Read the Boy Scout Law and the the Girl Scout Law
Boys are stated to be leaders and “fight for their country” and take pride as such. Girls are state to be public servants and put others ahead of themselves. Pretty gross when I was looking into it a few months back
Yep, we often end up doing the emotional lifting in the relationship on top of more than half of the household chores, organising and childrearing
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By and large I think that’s troubling in its accuracy. I’m glad I wasn’t brought up “traditionally”, but even despite my parentals (well, OK, my father) trying explicitly to bring me up to be self-assured and happy with myself, society at large puts all kinds of tremendous pressure, both overt and subtle, to conform to predecided roles.
(Hell, even my being in marketing was likely one of those covert pressures.)
We raised girls to be strong women. We didn’t raise the boys to be allies.
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I hope this changes with generations
I had this hope too but it’s hard to maintain while watching gen Z go down the manosphere rabbit hole and start to turn to religion again and shit. And even certain people from my own millennial generation that seemed progressive 10 years ago have been replaced by pod people these days.
With the way things are going in the world right now, the only hope I’ve still got is that one of these days everyone wakes up and realises the damage they’re causing and we see a major swing in the opposite direction.
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thanks for your comment and support!
However, this community has a rule that only women can comment, sorry.
Hope you understand 🧡
I wouldn’t really know, my father was basically not involved in me or my brothers childhood and my mother was emotionally absent.
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To be fair there aren’t a lot of stellar husbands to model after.
I’m a stellar husband. My wife is raising our sons, with me, to be great, loving, gentlemen. We’re succeeding.
It’s not fair, just also not an excuse. You may agree, but I didn’t want that part left unsaid.
thank you for your comment, but unfortunately this is a womens-only community. Hope you understand 💛
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thanks for your insightful comment, but unfortunately this community is for women only, hope you understand! 🧡
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I’m not following.
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Are you applying?
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